OK, so someone (Probably Rich) sent me this link.

Now the premise is kinda funny. If you don't wanna click the link (lazy bastards) here's the highlights:

Toby is the cutest litle bunny on the planet. Unfortunately, he will die on June 30th, 2005 if you don't help.

I am going to eat him. I am going to take Toby to a butcher to have him slaughter this cute bunny.

I don't want to eat Toby, he is my friend, and he has always been the most loving, adorable pet. However, God as my witness, I will devour this little guy unless I recieve $50,000 USD into my account from donations or purchase of merchandise.

Disgusting? Despicable? Hilarious? Yes, it is all of those things, but what's REALLY disgusting is that as of my typing this he's made $17,000 this way.

$17,000 for a rabbit that he supposedly found under his porch.

$17,000 for a rabbit that he's still gonna eat on June 30th if he doesn't get ANOTHER $33,000 FUCKING DOLLARS.

So I got to thinking, "How can I proffit from this?"

Well here's my plan.

You've heard me talk about my roommate Jay who, by all accounts, is a pretty cool guy. Well if I don't get $20 USD or a pizza delivered to my house (Large pepperoni and mushroom with extra cheese), by March 11th, 2005, then I'm going to kick Jay in the nuts.

Now, I don't want to kick Jay in the nuts, so send me money or a pizza or buy something on my goddamn store.

Only you can save Jay from what will surely be 10 to 20 minutes of extreme discomfort.

Some of you may be asking "Why Jay?" Well I thought about using Nate for this, but the way you make money on this scheme is you have to threaten something people don't want to see happen. The first few people I ran the idea by seemed more inclined to give me money TO kick Nate in the nuts and that kinda messes up the dynamics of this thing.

So act now! Save Jay's nuts!

Oh, on a side note, I submitted my site to the Weblog Review. I'll let you know when I get the results.

So I got the electric bill paid this morning.

I also now have enough to pay the Police Trash & Fire bill, which I will be doing tomorrow.

The cable bill? Who knows? It’s at the bottom of my priorities right now. I might very well let it go altogether. At the very least I’ll probably have to ditch the cable modem which means you guys will be seeing a bit less of me online.

The idea of going back to dialup disgusts me, but it’s what I’ve been reduced to.

So after I dropped Nate off at work this morning I went to the local record shop to see if they were hiring. I got into a conversation with the clerk (he’s been there for years, but I don’t remember his name).

It went something like this:

Ford: So, you guys hiring by any chance?

Clerk: No. There’s only two employees besides the owner and that's enough for the business we get.

Ford: Dammit. This sucks. I’ve got a college degree and I can’t even get an interview at fucking Hollywood Video.

Clerk: Well don't feel too bad, I have a degree and I work here.

Ford: English degree?

Clerk: Yeah, how'd you know?

For those of you that don’t know, I have an English degree, though if you’ve read any of my blog you’d have figured that out by this point from the way my life tends to play out.

So after I walked outside and murdered a random person I felt much better.

Anyone want to pay me to kill anyone? I’m sure you’ll find me competitively priced.

Upon returning home I called Charleston again. This time I had them patch me right through to Senator Donna Boley. Senator Boley helped out my friend Nathan (not the one that lives with me) about 8 or 9 years ago when the government shut down and he wasn’t getting his pay from the military.

Apparently she knows how to get results.

I'll keep you posted.

I went to the DHHR today.

They won't pay any more of my bills.

Even though the reason I need them to pay them is because they're dragging ass.

They say my 'emergency assistance period' is over. So now I need to pay my $73 electric bill by Wed or they shut it off.

I'm in default on the payment plan because I missed a bill. I missed a bill because the fucking postman can't get our address right.

So I have the $73 electric bill due on Wednesday, $164 to the Police Trash & Fire by Friday and $55 for cable also on Friday.

I have the money for the police in my pocket and I have about $50 in the bank. I say ‘about’ $50 because the bank website has decided to not let me check my balance anymore.

So the plan is to pay the electric bill tomorrow, scrape together whatever money I can to pay the police so they don’t take my Grandmother to court.

See, the DHHR told me that it would be no problem for them to pay my bills when they became shut-off notices, so I let them go till they became shut off notices. It’s not like I had much choice, I can’t work.

I’ve been applying for jobs that I could do in the condition I’m in, but nobody will hire me. Fucking Hollywood Video won’t fucking hire me to work in a fucking video store. What the fuck? I have a fucking COLLEGE DEGREE and I can’t get a job in a FUCKING VIDEO STORE?

So I find out the hard way that you don’t get a shut off notice for the Police, Trash & Fire fee, you get turned over to a collection agency.

Well since the bill is in my dead Grandfather’s name (I tried to change it, they wouldn’t let me) I figured that he wouldn’t mind if his credit took a hit. Don’t tell my uncle though. He’s Catholic. To him your credit rating means something in the afterlife.

Well after I got the collection agency letter I got another one saying they were going to take my Grandfather to court. Just as I was thinking "Good fucking luck" I noticed that my Grandmother’s name was also on the letter.

Fuck.

So I tried to get the bill changed into my name again explaining the situation. I figured if nothing else I could take the hit for Grandma, but they won’t change the name on the bill because it has to be in the name of the person that the deed to the house is in.

The fact that he’s been dead for 34 years has surprisingly little bearing on the situation.

So when I went to the DHHR today to get them to pay my electric bill and try against all hope to get them to pay the Police thing too, it was only because they implied that they’d continue to keep me afloat till they got me an answer about Medicaid.

If I got on Medicaid I wouldn’t need them to pay my bills, Medicaid would do it. But because they won’t get off their asses and send the right paperwork to the right people then I can’t get Medicaid and…….

FUCK!!!

When I went to them I could sustain myself. This was back in fucking NOVEMBER. Why is it OK for the government to fuck around with my life and not get shit done that I need done, but I’ve got to be on top of my shit?

Allright, I’m hardly on top of my shit, but I’m doing a lot better than those fucks are. I mean, it was fucking NOVEMBER. I never had much confidence in the government, but Jesus Christ, if I’d have gotten on back in November I could have had my surgery done, been recovered and been back to fucking work by now.

You’d think that being unemployed for three years would never get old, but you know what? It really doesn’t. Not having a job kicks ass. What sucks is not having any money.

And I know I’m not alone in being broke. Many of you reading this aren’t much better off than I am, but I got this blog to vent a little and that’s what I’m doing.

I’ll go back to posting about jerking off tomorrow.

I promise.

Right after I call the state again and try to get someone knocked off their ass. Sometime in the near future I’ll be trying to put all this into some sort of coherent form for a new TerriblyWrong.com article.

That is, if I’m not institutionalized before I can do it.

I mean, what the fuck? I don’t want to live off the government forever. I’d gladly go back to work tomorrow if I could, but I can’t. In order to go back, I need my surgery. To get the surgery I have to have insurance. The only way to get insurance that will pay for a pre-existing condition is to get Medicaid. The only way to get Medicaid is through the fuckers that I’m dealing with now.

My life is in the hands of the government of the state of West Virginia, and I can assure you that’s got me brimming with fucking hope right now.

Fuck it, I’ve rambled on long enough. I’m gonna fire up a video game and make the most of my electricity while I’ve still got it.

Allright, I got the Police, Trash & Fire bill paid today.

The guy looked at me kinda funny when I paid the last 12 bucks in rolled pennies, but fuck him.

So now I've just got the cable bill left. It's only $55 so I might be able to swing it.

So enough of this depressing horseshit. Here's something going on nearby that I might try to scam my way into:

McAfee says movie crew expected to shoot scenes in Belpre

By WAYNE TOWNER

Article

BELPRE - A movie company is expected to visit Belpre in the early spring to film scenes for a movie, according to Mayor Bill McAfee. McAfee has met with representatives of Bubble Films, which is interested in shooting some scenes for one of its upcoming movies in and around Belpre, and specifically at the Lee Middleton Original Dolls factory on Washington Boulevard, he said Friday after making an announcement Thursday at a meeting of the Belpre Area Chamber of Commerce.

Movie details can be followed here: Untitled Neil Jordan Thriller

McAfee said it is his understanding that a 12-member film crew is expected to be in Belpre in late March and early April filming for a high-definition film.

He said no information has been released about what, if any stars, might be featured in the movie or its plot, other than the involvement of the doll factory.

''I know some extras will be sought in the local area,'' he said.

Although such matters are often subject to change, McFee said he understood that the film company's plans to come and shoot in Belpre are ''pretty firm.''

''I understand they looked at three different doll factories around the country and liked how Lee Middleton was built and how it looked,'' he said.

Kristyn Wilson, public relations manager for Lee Middleton Dolls, said the doll company has been in contact with Bubble Films for over a month in discussions about the film and received a contract allowing the factory to be used in the filming on Wednesday.

Officials with Lee Middleton Dolls are in the process of reviewing the contract, script and other information before deciding whether to approve it, she said.

Wilson said the film won't be using the Lee Middleton Dolls name, but is expected to use some of the dolls and the factory itself. Little information has been released about the film, but Wilson said it is a murder mystery.

While the cast has not been released or set, Wilson said the director of the film will be Steven Soderbergh, known for films like ''Ocean's Eleven,'' ''Traffic'' and ''Erin Brockovich.'' Wilson said Soderbergh quietly visited Belpre over a week ago to view locations.

The timeline will depend on when the contract is finalized, but Wilson said the film company could be visiting Lee Middleton Dolls sometime in the spring if approval is given. The film is not scheduled for release in 2005, she said.

McAfee said Belpre was also featured in a two-hour historical documentary for PBS in Ohio, which was first broadcast in 2003. The film was called ''Opening the Door West'' and is the story of the Ohio Company of Associates, a group of Revolutionary War officers and soldiers. In 1788, they first opened the door for westward expansion of the new United States when they began the first legal, organized American settlement in the old Northwest Territory at Marietta.

Besides Marietta, the Ohio Company established two additional settlements in the second year. One of them was Belle Prairie, today's Belpre, situated in a lush river bottom where the best farmers lived. The fortified compound on the riverbank was known as ''Farmer's Castle.''

McAfee said scenes for the documentary were shot in Belpre and on Blennerhassett Island. In 2004, the documentary won a CINE Golden Eagle award, a Silver Telly award, a Crystal Award for Excellence from the Communicator Awards and a 2005 Finalist Award from the New York Festivals International Film and Video Awards.

Awright, it’s been a few days. Here’s what’s going on.

A while back I called the DHHR to see where we were on getting me on Medicaid. They said that the people in Charleston were still waiting on a paper from the doctor that examined me back on November 17th. That’s right, the one that didn’t actually look at the thing I went in there to have him look at.

So I call Charleston. They say they’re waiting on a paper from me. I explained that I’d received no paper to send back. After some checking they said the paper, for some reason they couldn’t fathom, had been sent to the doctor.

So I call the doctor’s office and they tell me that they sent the paper to the DHHR.

So I call the DHHR and they tell me that they sent my paperwork to Charleston minus the paper from the doctor as the doctor had sent them the wrong form.

So the paper for my physical, which was half-assed, never got sent to the people that sent me to the fucking doctor that half-assed it.

When I first called Charleston weeks ago I was attempting to get in touch with a Senator or something. I’m pretty sure I didn’t get the office I was attempting to get, so Monday I’ll be trying again.

I know now that they’re just trying to run me in circles till I give up. What they don’t realize is that giving up would mean moving back in with my mother and I ain’t about to let that happen.

I’ll keep you posted.