I should be asleep right now.
Instead, I just placed an emergency call to the water company.
See, I was taking a shower (picture that ladies) and I noticed that the water backed up at the front of the tub due to my slow drain was an unusual color.
This wasn't too awfully distressing as I'd just recently chipped the mold off the sides of the tub and I figured that's what made the water the odd gray/blackish color.
At this point I'd just like to point out to any women reading this that I am, in fact, available.
So I get out of the tub, my manly nudeness glistening in the flourescent light, when I noticed that the toilet water was also discolored.
A quick check confirmed that the sink too was producing colored water.
Considering that I'd just showered in it, I found this a bit distressing.
Turns out the city is flushing the pipes this weekend.
I'm not sure exactly what that entails having lived in the country most of my life, but I'm sure it can't be too fucking good for me.
The woman on the phone was good enough to explain to me that they did announce it on the nightly local news. Some of you may remember my opinion of our local news from my days with TerriblyWrong.com. For those of you that don't, let's just say that opinion isn't good.
I once witnessed an accident on the road and was interviewed by our local news. They got every single point of the story wrong.
It was a single car accident, they reported it was two.
The truck went into the turn too fast in clear conditions and rolled over the hill, they reported that it went into a skid on a wet road (the rain didn't start till the second or third hour of our hacking the semi cab apart).
They reported two passengers, there were three.
You get the idea.
So since I don't watch the news I get to shower in god knows what.
I find that wrong somehow.
The lady went on to say that the news reported that it wouldn't be a good weekend to wash clothes, but they didn't say anything about drinking it or running it over your head for an extended period of time.
I'm a notoriously long bather.
So was Einstein.
It's documented somewhere. I'm sure of it.
In any event, history teaches me that if the local news reports that the water is bad to wash clothes in but Ok for everything else then I know that clothes washing is an unusually good thing right now and the water is toxic for all other purposes.
So if I drop dead in the next few hours you guys know why.
I'm off to bed.