“I couldn't live a week without a private library
- indeed, I'd part with all my furniture and squat and sleep on the floor
before I'd let go of the 1500 or so books I possess.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

Whistling In The Graveyard: January 21, 2007

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

So Brian and Andrea are coming up on the 26th for Brian's birthday and as always it will be great to see them, but something has been bugging me ever since the wedding.

You've all read, I'm sure, the story about the lovely miss Wednesday and about how I was warned to stay away from her or lose certain of my more favorite parts of my anatomy. This is chiefly on account of me being way to old for her I'm sure and I can fully understand that, but it does kinda chap my ass that the secondary problem is that we otherwise (in Andrea's opinion) would be a natural match.

So the reason I needed to stay away from her is because we would click?

Ok, I admit it makes sense, because God knows I'm irresistible, but it also blows. There was one person at the wedding that might be interested in my ass and I had to keep clear because she might be interested in my ass.

You see the kind of shit I have to put up with in my life?

It's like the Peanuts strips where Charlie Brown tries to kick the football, only I'm Charlie Brown, Lucy is God, the football is my love life and the only thing that gets kicked is my nuts which sail in for an easy 40 yard field-goal.

Alright, there is a significant age difference, but I'm willing to overlook that. I mean, that's what relationships are about right? Compromise? Besides, according to the Chinese (Or was it the Japanese? Know what? Doesn't matter.) the perfect wife is half your age plus one. I'm 32, she's 19. According to whichever culture I'm actually quoting she's actually to old for me. Does that bother me? Not a bit. Why? Because I'm one charmingly romantic motherfucker that's why.

Anyway, I bring this up because I have an easy way of resolving this issue and putting it all behind us. I think we should all sit down and discuss the matter. Brian and Andrea, just bring Wednesday along with you and viola! Problem solved! And then we needn't discuss it ever again.

By the way, if accommodations are an issue, Wednesday is welcome to stay at my place as I have lots of extra space. And don't worry about how we'll pass the time, I'm sure I can find some way to entertain an attractive 19-year-old girl for a couple days.