“I couldn't live a week without a private library
- indeed, I'd part with all my furniture and squat and sleep on the floor
before I'd let go of the 1500 or so books I possess.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

Whistling In The Graveyard: February 29, 2004

Thursday, March 04, 2004

This just in:

J.Lo, Affleck Dominate Razzies

Mar 1, 7:56 AM EST

Associated Press

The honeymoon's over for Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, but their mob-comedy flop "Gigli" really cleaned up Saturday at the Razzies, the first movie to take all six top trophies in the annual dishonorable-mention awards.

Golden Raspberry Awards voters picked "Gigli" as 2003's worst picture, Affleck as worst actor, Lopez as worst actress and the two as worst screen couple. "Gigli" filmmaker Martin Brest also took the Razzies for worst director and screenplay.

"Gigli" hit theaters last summer amid the tabloid frenzy over Affleck and Lopez's on-again, off-again wedding plans. They finally announced in January the romance was off.

The movie, which starred Affleck as a thug smitten by Lopez as a lesbian crime colleague, fell short of the record seven Razzies won by "Showgirls" and "Battlefield Earth."

"But those are much better bad movies, if that makes any sense," said Razzies founder John Wilson. "If you sit through them with the right people or the right brand of liquor, they can be strangely entertaining.

"But I don't care how medicated you are or what people you're watching it with, `Gigli' is just a pain in the posterior. It's one of those things that is, as opposed to enjoyably embarrassing, it's just skin-crawlingly embarrassing."

"Gigli" cost $54 million to make but earned back just $6 million.

Among other "winners," Sylvester Stallone padded his Razzie resume with a record 10th prize, this time for worst supporting actor in "Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over." Stallone's past Razzies include one for worst actor of the 20th century.

With the 25th annual Razzies coming up next year, the group is considering a special career-achievement prize for Stallone, Wilson said.

In "Spy Kids 3-D," "he plays five characters, so technically the whole supporting-actor category could have been made up of his performances," Wilson said.

Demi Moore took the supporting-actress Razzie for her comeback role in "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle," which also was named worst remake or sequel.

"She tried to come back, and we said, `No, thanks. We chased you away before. Go away again,'" Wilson said.

The storybook adaptation "Dr. Seuss' the Cat in the Hat" won the Razzie for worst excuse for a movie.

Another top nominee, "From Justin to Kelly," was shut out in the awards balloting by the roughly 600 Razzie voters.

The group decided to give the movie — a spring-break romp featuring "American Idol" stars Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini — a special "governor's award" for distinguished underachievement in choreography.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Time to play Random Instant Message Conversation!

Tonight's random instant message guest star is proffessional wrestler Violent Vance Desmond.

FordMaverick2000: How's the arm?

Vance-Desmond: OK. Painful, but OK.

FordMaverick2000: What did you do, land on it?

Vance-Desmond: Yea from like 15ft on concrete.

FordMaverick2000: 15 feet? What the fuck were you doing? Ladder match?

Vance-Desmond: Dive from over the top rope to the floor.

FordMaverick2000: I do hope you don't take offense when I call you a fucking idiot.

Vance-Desmond: Some taken but bearing the situation i will let it stand lol.

FordMaverick2000: Well, I guess it's hard to let all that offense past.

Vance-Desmond: Yea lol.

FordMaverick2000: Just be more careful for fuck's sake.

Vance-Desmond: Sucked I took a double hip toss on to 2 open chairs also.

FordMaverick2000: Doesn't anyone in wrestling goddamn WRESTLE anymore?

Vance-Desmond: lol I did wrestle beside those two spots.

FordMaverick2000: So you wrestle in-between jackass stunts.

Vance-Desmond: The chairs spot was not bad and the dive just got messed up.

FordMaverick2000: Well I can't imagine how a 15 foot dive onto concrete could go anything but perfectly...

Vance-Desmond: lol Hey it usually does except this time.

FordMaverick2000: Think about what you just said.

Vance-Desmond: I know.

FordMaverick2000: Oh, Nate wants me to call you a jackass.

Vance-Desmond: Fair enough.

Today's Fortune Cookie:
You are almost there

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

This also just in.

This just in:

Drunken Polish nun crashes her tractor
Tue Mar 2,12:21 PM ET

WARSAW (AFP) - A Benedictine nun could lose her driving licence after hitting a car parked outside her convent at Krzeszow in southeast Poland while drunk at the wheel of a tractor, a local police spokesman, Dariusz Waluch said.

Waluch said the 45-year nun "was in no fit state to blow into a breathalyser" after the accident and police were waiting for the results of a blood-alcohol test before charging her.

I just found this on the Internet Movie Database. One of my fellow Chaos In Motion staffers mentioned it on his blog and I couldn't resist looking it up.

I simply haven't the words...

Monday, March 01, 2004

Jesus Christ, I couldn't have made this up if I'd wanted to.

This was found on CNN.com

Passion tickets bear 'mark of the beast'
Monday, March 1, 2004 Posted: 9:34 AM EST (1434 GMT)

ROME, Georgia (AP) -- Tickets at one movie theater screening Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" are being deemed decidedly unholy.

The number 666, which many Christians recognize as the "mark of the beast," is appearing on movie tickets for Gibson's film at a Georgia theater, drawing complaints from some moviegoers.

The machine that prints tickets assigned the number 666 as a prefix on all the tickets for the film, said Gary Smith, owner of the Movies at Berry Square in northwest Georgia. The 666 begins a series of numbers that are listed below the name of the movie, the date, time and price.

Here's the full article.

Christians are so funny.

What the fuck?

I just got The Sopranos Season 4 in the mail today and it's a goddamn bootleg. This is the second time I've tried to buy this thing on e-bay. The first one didn't show up and I had to file a complaint to get a refund, and now this one is a bootleg.

And it's not just that it's a bootleg, it's a BAD bootleg. The menus are all screwed up because they split the dual-layer discs up onto single layer discs, the special features won't play (what pisses me off in particular is the 'previously on' and 'next on' features don't work) and one of the discs won't play at all. Not even in my multi-region player.

I could have done the same thing using DVD X-Copy if I wanted to. I could have done it cheaper too, AND all of the fucking features would have worked. But here's the thing, I don't bootleg DVD's. Well, not if I can easily get a legit copy. Is something is out of print or just not offered on DVD I might pick up a bootleg like I did for the movie 'Orgazmo' which, so far as I know, has never been released on DVD. And if it ever is released on DVD I'll end up buying a legit copy because I believe in supporting those who make good movies.

True, if all of the features on this DVD set actually worked I wouldn't be complaining quite as loudly, but what the hell do you expect from someone that does comic strips of little kids smoking and drinking and saying fuck a lot?

So I'm putting out the call right here. If anyone reading this has The Sopranos Season 4 and would like to sell it then send me an e-mail and we'll work something out.

I gotta have my fix. I've been hooked on sweet, sweet mafioso goodness ever since Mistress Victoria showed me the first two Sopranos episodes I ever watched. I only hope my exposing her to 'Romeo Is Bleeding' somehow repaid that favor.

Anyways, that's the last time I order a DVD from China.

By the way, if any of you reading this have never seen The Sopranos (and I don't see how that's possible) get your hands on some episodes NOW. The show absolutely kicks ass.

I avoided it for a long time because I avoid anything that gets critical acclaim. This is mainly because critics don't know shit. They just know that harping on movies that nobody will ever watch makes them seem inteligent and elitist. The policy of doubting them absolutely was broken when I finally sat down and watched 'Pulp Fiction'. So they're right on the odd occasion, the sun even shines on a dog's ass once in a while.

But I fear Jeremy the Atomic-Jew might not react well to this news. He and I have been mainlining them ever since my friend Brian bought seasons one through three. We watched season one in one sitting.

We slacked off on season two. we watched it in two sittings.

Bada-bing, baby.

Sunday, February 29, 2004

By now most of you have seen this:

CHICAGO - The infamous baseball that may have cost the Chicago Cubs its first trip to the World Series in 58 years was blown up Thursday night. All that remained of the ball was a heap of thread after it was exploded inside a clear protective case by a Hollywood special effects expert. The stunt was shown live on television from inside a tent at Harry Caray's Restaurant. Loyal Cubs fans watched as the baseball many blame for the team's playoff failure was destroyed. Some fans wore replicas of the thick, black framed glasses worn by Caray, the famous Cubs' broadcaster.
They held up a beer to toast the man, who died in 1998, and sang "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" just before the ball was demolished.

Well guess what city of Chicago? Your team still SUCKS.