“I couldn't live a week without a private library
- indeed, I'd part with all my furniture and squat and sleep on the floor
before I'd let go of the 1500 or so books I possess.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

Whistling In The Graveyard: April 11, 2004

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Awright guys, a bunch of us are going to the movies tonight. Nate gets off work at 9 so we'll be going to the 10 or 10:30 showing of either Kill Bill Vol 2 or The Punisher, whichever one we can get into.

If you wanna come with us either call me or send an Instant Message RSVP.

I'll be out back mowing the lawn.

Later Bitches.

This also just in:

Romanian Government to ban vampire slaying.

As the Romanian government hurries to improve law-enforcement sophistication in its campaign for European Union membership, villagers in the Transylvania region are resisting police crackdowns on their traditional practice of vampire killings, according to a March Knight Ridder News Service report. Vampires (unlike Hollywood conventions using crosses and garlic) are just people who go bad upon death and cause continuing grief to family members unless they are re-killed. The body is dug up; the heart is removed with a curved sickle and burned (but it will likely squeak like a mouse and try to escape unless held down); and the ashes are mixed with water and drunk. Villagers are outraged that some may face criminal charges for disturbing the dead, which carries a three-year prison sentence. [Monterey Herald-Knight Ridder, 3-24-04].

Friday, April 16, 2004

This just in:

Dying man allegedly got parking ticket, not help.

Heart attack victim's family files claim against NYCThe Associated Press
Updated: 10:18 a.m. ET April 15, 2004

NEW YORK - Relatives of a man who suffered a fatal heart attack while he was being given a parking ticket filed a claim against the city, charging that the traffic agent left without calling an ambulance.


So I went bowling again today. Good god did I suck too. My best game was a 124. I was two lanes up from an 80 year old woman that did better than that.

Granted, she's had more time to practice, but still...

The only reason I bring up bowling again though is that I saw something glorious at the alley today. I bowled near a man named Jack Goff.

I'm sure there's a percentage of you that don't find that as funny as I do, (say it out loud a couple of times if you don't get it) but there's no accounting for taste.

I almost shit myself when they announced over the loudspeaker that Jack Goff had a perfect score.

It passed when I realized that I'd been way out-bowled by a man named Jack Goff AND an 80 year old woman.

I'm gonna go stick my head in the ball return now. See you in hell.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

I was five and he was six
We rode on horses made of sticks
He wore black and I wore white
He would always win the fight

Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down.

Seasons came and changed the time
When I grew up, I called him mine
He would always laugh and say
"Remember when we used to play?"

Bang bang, I shot you down
Bang bang, you hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, I used to shoot you down.

Music played, and people sang
Just for me, the church bells rang.

Now he's gone, I don't know why
And till this day, sometimes I cry
He didn't even say goodbye
He didn't take the time to lie.

Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down...

Song: Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) From "Kill Bill Vol. 1"
Artist: Nancy Sinatra

Yep, I rented Kill Bill Vol. 1 yesterday.

I've watched it eight times.

I can't get that song out of my head.

Bang-bang, I fear I may be going insane,
Bang-bang, I must go watch the movie again...

Go rent it now, you fools!

Sunday, April 11, 2004

In keeping with the religious theme of this day I bring you a reading from the Dr Seuss Bible...

"One day," God said,
"This is what I will do.
I'll send down my son,
I'll send him to you,
to clear up this humpity bumpity hullabaloo.
His name will be Christ and he'll never wear shoes.
And his pals will all call him the King of the Jews!"

He didn't come in a plane,
he didn't come in a jeep,
he didn't come in the pouch of a high-jumping vo veep.
He rode on the back of a black sasatoo
- which is the blackiest creature you ever could view.

He rode to Jerusalem
- home of the grumpity Jews -
where false prophets were worshipped,
some even in two's.

There was Murray von Muir
and Genghis Vo Vooze
- the one you could worship by taking a snooze.

Christ spoke from a mound,
which is a pile of ground
and people gathered around
without making a sound.

Thus he spake . . .
"Sin in socks, socks full of sin.
How do we quiet this Jehovity din?
"Do unto others as they do unto you."
That includes you young Timothy Foo!!

One pharisee said to another he knew -
"What shall we do with this upitty Jew?"
"We can wash him in wine
and make him all clean
and into Sam Zittle's crucifixion machine!"

Twirl the gawhirl and release the gavlease
and in go the nails as fast as you please.

And it is said that he said as he bled -
"Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do,
for they walk through this life in two crappity shoes."

Do you?


Obtained from: Kids in the Hall FAQ
Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video