OK guys, I watched Bubba Ho Tep the other day. Now, everybody knows I'm a huge Bruce Campbell fan, and there was never any question about wheather I would like this film. The question was, how MUCH would I like it.

The answer is: A-fucking-lot.

But just in case you think I'm biased towards Mr Campbell, and I'll admit that I am, but only because he consistently cranks out brilliant performances, here is a review of the film from a 'legitimate' film critic.

So keep your eyes peeled for it. I give it 5 out of 5 stars, and it'll be a crime if Campbell doesn't get at least an Oscar nomination out of this.

Just got the results back from my cholesterol test.

They found bacon...

By the way guys, today is Ozzy Osbourne's birthday, so everyone be sure to stumble incoherently around your house, curse a lot, forget how to operate the TV and bite the head off of something.

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

I've allways liked this song. I feel a personal attatchment to it. Given that, I feel compelled to point out that while the Limp Bizkit version of this song is shockingly good (it took me a fucking week to believe it was really them), it is not a Limp Bizkit song.

'Behind Blue Eyes' was released on the 1971 album "Who's Next" by The Who. So hey, I like cover songs as much as the next guy, but at the risk of sounding old, check out the original. They're nearly always better. Just because it came out before you were born doesn't mean you're not allowed to like it.

Each time I drive in this fucking town with the shoppers out I think a little harder about giving up not randomly shooting people.

Lets face it, there's people in this life that just need killing. Nobody knows that better than I do. In fact, I've been keeping a list, and unlike my pal Skippy my attorney has advised me not to post my list on the internet. He's Canadian though, so I figure thier laws on death threats are probably different. He could probably get off for a few handfulls of that neon toilet paper they call money.

It's all just as well since most of the entries in my list aren't names, they're license plate numbers.

Bah-Mother-Fucking, Hum-fucking-bug.

Say that three times fast.