“I couldn't live a week without a private library
- indeed, I'd part with all my furniture and squat and sleep on the floor
before I'd let go of the 1500 or so books I possess.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

Whistling In The Graveyard: April 03, 2005

Saturday, April 09, 2005

So last night I go to pick Nate up from work, as I’ve done for basically 6 days a week for the last two years, give or take a hospital stay or two.

I’m sitting there, waiting for Nate to come out, engine off, lights off, not even the radio running and a car pulls in behind me. Nothing unusual.

Next thing I know there's a flashlight in my face.

I got pulled over, while I wasn't moving.

So the cop adjusts the light so as to better blind me and asks what I'm doing there etc. I damn near had to bite my tongue off to resist saying "Gee officer, was I going too fast?"

There were two very good reasons for this:
#1: I didn't feel like getting savagely beaten with a nightstick.
#2: My inspection sticker expired in February and he was standing right next to it.

I was about to get a ticket in a parked fucking car.

COP: “Hi there,” he says “can I ask what you’re doing here?”

FORD: I’m sitting in a parked fucking car minding my own motherfucking business is what the fuck I’m doing… “Just waiting for my friend to get off work sir.”

COP: “Where would he be working that would still be open at this hour?”

FORD: Your fucking mother, motherfucker… “Right THERE sir. It’s the Napoli’s call center. They’re open till 1 AM on Fridays and Saturdays. If you knock on the door they’ll tell you who I am.”

COP: “I need to see your driver’s license.”

So he goes behind the car and radios in my name. I’m watching him in the rear view mirror while he's doing it, trying to act like I’m not (like everyone does) and another cop car pulls in.

Oh shit.

So I’m running through all the jackass shit I’ve done lately trying to figure out what the hell I did that was about to get my ass arrested. To my knowledge it was all stuff a cop would have actually had to witness and I’d been sitting there for like ten minutes before he pulled in, but still I keep trying to find something. That’s the power of a cop uniform. Or maybe it was just the power of two armed people taking an interest in me, I don’t know. The only indication that something might be wrong was I was parked kinda crooked, but I do that so I can be seen in the security camera so Nate knows when I’m out there.

They talk a bit, he gives me back my license, says something about some break-ins in the area recently and they leave.

Once again proving that a Vienna cop couldn’t find shit in a shit-storm with a shit-detector.

So I don't think I'm gonna bother getting a new inspection sticker.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Top Ten Signs You're Not Getting Enough Sleep
From Late Night With David Letterman

10. You always fall asleep on airplanes--and you're the pilot.
9. Can't even stay awake for the two minuntes it takes to have sex.
8. You're so fatigued, you get winded chewing gum.
7. When asked to describe yourself, most people say "Lethargic Sumbitch".
6. Your typical lunch: coffee grounds on whole wheat.
5. You schedule unnecessary surgery just for the three hours of general anesthetic.
4. (Writers too tired to write number four)
3. You take naps at work--only problem, you sleep in the nude.
2. Duties as President limit you to a mere 11 hours a night.
1. You're beginning to think Michael Jackson might be innocent.

Monday, April 04, 2005

OK, I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve had a lot going on.

Here’s the breakdown.

As I stated, I’m now on Medicaid and I’ve been trying to get on Social Security Disability as well, though that process is already fucked up at this point as I was unable to get the forms mailed back to the Social Security office in time.

I’m working on that right now.

As usual I’ve been scrambling to keep the bills paid and going through my usual shifts from complete detachment to total panic. Given that I’m typing this at 9:30 AM you can guess where I am on that scale at the moment.

The other evening I was taking a shower (picture THAT in your mind) and the shower wand/head thing falls off, as it sometimes does. On the way down it hits the hot water knob and breaks it off.

Breaks it off.

Breaks it right the fuck OFF.

This is how my life works. This is how the universe keeps me humble.

Yes, I do attribute all of my personal trials to divine intervention.

Anyways, there's a shut off knob next to the shower so I was able to turn it off that way. So the shower works, just the hot water knob is outside of the shower making it necessary to turn it on before getting in.

I’ll also probably be losing the cable this week, but should be getting it back before too long. It’s simply a matter of the bill being due a week or so before I’ll have the money to pay it. Actually, I’ll have the money to pay it, but hey, I think I’ll use it on the phone and gas bills. Yes, I know, I’m such a rebel.

But you know what? Everything is still cool. Everything is great, because my buddy Gage got me in to see Sin City on it’s opening night FOR FREE.

Those of you that come here regularly know that I’ve been eager to see this movie ever since I heard the first rumors that it was being made. I’m a big fan of the comics and of Frank Miller in general, so it was a foregone conclusion that I was going to like this movie.

What wasn’t a foregone conclusion was that I would count it amongst the best movies I’ve ever seen.

Seriously, if my ticket had cost me $20 I still would have come out smiling. The only reason I went for free is because Gage offered (he works at the theatre) and because when you’re rolling pennies for gas money it’s kinda hard to justify paying $7.50 for a movie.

It’s absolutely incredible just how much the movie looks like the art in the comic. I mean, I’ve read the comics and seen the art and knew what was going to happen and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from that screen.

The theater was packed, this can be chalked up to it having been a Friday night and the movie having no real competition, but once that movie started there wasn’t a sound made save for a laugh or two in the appropriate places. This movie demands your fullest attention.

It’s only been out for three days and it’s made $28.1 million in 3,230 theaters and got an 8.5 out of 10 rating on the Internet Movie Database where it is currently #112 of the top 250 movies of all time. I’m predicting this will be the most successful comic book to movie adaptation ever.

But the most amazing thing about the movie? Josh Hartnett was in it and he DIDN’T SUCK.

You heard me.

Yes, I have been very critical of Mr. Hartnett in the past and in defense of my former opinion, he really did suck. I mean, come on, did you see The Faculty? The only reason to see that is because the chick from Suicide Kings (Laura Harris) shows her titties and the Daily Show's Jon Stewart plays a bit role. Other than that the only distinction The Faculty has is the fact that it’s such a rip-off of Class of 1999 (a far better movie) that it had to list Class of 1999 in the credits.

I am, however, willing to accept that his shortcomings might have been the fault of the directors of the other films, because in Sin City, directed by Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Tarantino and the man himself Frank Miller, he kicked ass. Granted, Hartnett’s role was a small one, but he knocked it out of the fucking park.

Of course I’m willing to bet with that lineup of directors even I could make a halfway decent showing.

So take note: If ever I meet Josh Hartnett I will not be administering unto him the severe beating that I swore I would. He is officially off the list.

I can’t say it enough, GO SEE SIN CITY!

Hell, see it two or three times. I want it to make an assload of cash so they make all of Miller’s books.