“I couldn't live a week without a private library
- indeed, I'd part with all my furniture and squat and sleep on the floor
before I'd let go of the 1500 or so books I possess.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

Whistling In The Graveyard: September 28, 2003

Saturday, October 04, 2003

Well guys, this is it, Zero Hour. As I type this we're packing the rest of my stuff and moving it to the new house. As much as I hate it (The moving, not the new house) I'm trying to convince myself that this is a positive move.

While I'm on, I'd like to congratulate my neighbors Sham and Macheal (Whom I'm regretably leaving) on the birth of thier second child, Emily Rolston, last night at around 6 PM.

Anyway, I don't know how long it'll take me to get back online, so till then, I'll see you in hell.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

I whole-heartedly support suburban, middle class, white-on-white violence.

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

So, for anyone that reads this blog regularly (And I can't fathom why anyone would do such a thing) You know that I am in the process of moving into the ghetto. We should be completing the move in the next few days and, given that I'll not only have to get the cable company to hook up our new cable internet, but I'll have to find a way to PAY for it as well, I may be away from the net for a little while.

Hopefully though, we'll have pictures of the new place and the work we're doing up somewhere soon. See, since these stupid, fucking remodeling shows are so freakin' popular we're going to document the construction of my new bachelor pad. So stay fuckin' tuned!

Anyone know where I can pick up a mildly used hot tub?

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Sunday, September 28, 2003

So I went to the fucking mall yesterday. You might not be able to tell, but I hate the fucking mall. When terrorists talk about the decadence of the west, they're talking about the mall.

First of all, the mall here is made up of 50% shoe stores. 50% in a state where people make jokes about barefoot hillbillies. Irony anyone?

The only places I can stand to go to in the fucking mall are the movie theaters, which are an inevitable evil since they're the only ones we have, then Waldenbooks, Toy and Hobby, and Spencers gifts. That's it. Well, the food court too, then that's it.

But anyway, since Parkersburg is solidly 10 years behind any given trend, I got to engage in one of my favorite mall games.

Step 1. Find an asshole kid with the waist of his pants around his knees. This may be more difficult than it used to be since if the Parkersburg kids are into it, then the rest of the world is likely almost through with it.

Step 2. Wait for him to pause momentarily.

Step 3. Plant your foot firmly on one of his pantlegs (some portion of which should be dragging on the floor).

Step 4. Laugh long and loud as he looks for his front teeth under the cellphone kiosk.