“I couldn't live a week without a private library
- indeed, I'd part with all my furniture and squat and sleep on the floor
before I'd let go of the 1500 or so books I possess.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

Whistling In The Graveyard: August 24, 2008

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Well it's that time again. I'm now officially another year older.


So if we're counting normally I'm now 34. If anyone is buying my horseshit about starting the count over when I died then I'm still 7 till January.

Anyways, I'm still packing, still looking at apartments online and making calls. Thus far none of the one's that said they'd call back have called back, but then this is the busy season for apartment renting since Columbus is a college town.

Oh yeah, remember how I always said I dreaded the day I'd have to get a cellphone?

Well I got a fucking cellphone.


But as annoying as it is that I finally had to cave in to the oppressive advances of technology (and yes, I am aware of the irony of typing that phrase into a computer) It really is a better deal than what I was getting on my house phone.

The house phone, by the way, is inexplicably still turned on even though it was supposed to be shut off as soon as the cell was activated. I've tried several times to call the phone company and ask them why this is, but I can't get anyone to answer the goddamn phone AT THE FUCKING PHONE COMPANY! I just go through the automated system and punch buttons till I confuse the machine enough for it to give up and connect me to an operator. Then I get put on hold and nobody ever answers.

So now I have both a house phone AND a cellphone.

Oh goody.

How much do you suppose they're going to charge me for that privilege?

But there's yet another thing really bugging me (isn't there always?) about the phone. They said it'd arrive in a few days at my current address. Given that my current address sucks ass I made a point of being downstairs at 10 AM to get the mail as soon as it hit the front porch.

On about the third day I get a note on my front door saying that FedEx had tried to deliver the phone twice and there was no answer. Seems they'd been coming at 9 AM. Now, if anyone had bothered to tell me this I wouldn't have had to go to the FedEx store and pick it up myself, but I did and here it is:

Kind of a big box right? I thought so too. So I opened it and found this:

Quite a bit smaller than the first box isn't it? Here's what it looked like inside the other box:

What is that under the box within the box containing my spiffy new phone? It's this:

Now, I believe in conserving the planet's resources and recycling and the like. Given that, it's bad enough that my tiny phone was in a box within another box and everything inside was wrapped in it's own individual plastic bag, but to take up the empty space within the overly large box they put A BAG OF FUCKING AIR!

Does it make anyone else's brain hurt?

A sealed, non-biodegradable plastic bag full of air, just to fill the void in an excessively large, tree wasting box, containing another box, which was more than adequate to deliver this:

And I didn't even want the goddamn thing. I'm amazed that we have as much planet left as we do.

Anyways, I'm gonna go sleep and then I'm going to dinner with my family later tonight. Anyone that needs my cell number can email me at Ford_Maverick@hotmail.com and request it. Chances are though if you didn't have the old number you won't get the new number.

Unless you're a hot chick. If you are, send a picture of yourself with my blog on your computer screen behind you to prove it's really you. The number will be given out on a case by case basis.

Extra points if you're topless in the picture.

PS: Happy Birthday to our friend Rich Fucking Sanders and Happy Anniversary to Ryan and Raychel!

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