For those of you that didn't make it we may be having another sooner than expected. I'll keep you posted on that.
Anyways, I'm making my annual post about X-Mas encroaching on Halloween, but with a slight twist this year. See, I've finally figured out why politicians, notoriously the lowest scum on the face of the planet, are so keen to cozy up to the religious right and show what great christians they are, while at the same time committing acts of the purest evil.
Bear in mind, this thought came to me at 5 in the morning after washing down some painkillers with diet Mountain Dew.
So I was noticing that the X-Mas ads started coming earlier and earlier each year and this year they've started well before Halloween, which is an abomination to me, and It dawned on me that the timing of the rushing of the X-Mas season seems to be in proportion with how messed up the economy is. THEN it dawned on me that the X-Mas season is the most important time of the year for most retail stores. Then I put it all together. Our economy is so dependent on the X-Mas season to stay afloat that the politicians are falling over one another to sell their souls to Santa. Trouble is, they already worship the almighty dollar and since money is the root of all evil that means that politicians are all Satanists.
Hey, these are my rules. You don't like them? Make up some of your own. It's fun.
The real revelation here is that politicians aren't really christians. They're just acting like christians to promote a holiday that benefits them financially. Putting that together really warms my blackened little heart.
And before you tell me how wrong I am, think about it. My theory does explain why every politician on both sides has to make some effort to keep the christians happy. It explains why the ones that act like the biggest christians seem to always get caught doing the things they decry the most. They're EXPLOITING christians for their own benefit! It's actually kinda brilliant from my standpoint.
This brings me to the other thing I needed to post about; the upcoming election.
I swore off voting after the election of George 'the Dancing Monkey-Boy' Bush because after that obviously no good can come of it. But I voted in the last election because friends of mine who believe in voting also believed that I should be voting even if I didn't believe in it. So I did. Now it's that time again.
Actually, I didn't swear off voting entirely. I just swore it off until we got an openly non-christian (or better yet non-religious altogether) candidate, but in light of the Santa connection that's not going to happen within my fucking lifetime...
I honestly don't see why nobody else sees this, but here goes. In an election you don't get to chose the candidate you want. You get to chose between the people that the people in charge have selected and decided they'll ALLOW you to vote for. Without exception these are people that have no idea what life is like for any of us and they don't give a rats ass about any of you. Yes, even the politician you like, he or she is a lying shitbag. In fact, the more a candidate seems like a good choice, the more out of touch and evil they are.
HOWEVER, many of my friends believe in voting and I'm trying to be sensitive to that, so I've decided I'm going to vote even though I think it's a massive waste of my precious (well, semi-precious) time. I don't know where anyone stands on any of the issues and even if I did it's my firm belief that anything a politician says is a lie, so if I DID know what they said they stood for I'd believe the exact opposite anyway. So I've decided, in the interest of irony, to be democratic about this, so I'm going to have a poll. In the comments below tell me who you think I should vote for.
Most votes wins.
I will stand by the results of this poll. Whomever wins I WILL vote for, so hit me with it people. Otherwise I'm just going to go in and write in a bunch of joke names. Partially to make a statement about what a farce I think the whole system is and partially because it's funny to vote for Seymour Butts for Governor.
And for those of you who are wondering, yes, I am a deeply cynical person. It's a cynicism born out of disappointment in my fellow planet-mates. I'd have said fellow humans, but I'm still operating on the assumption that I'm not actually from this planet. Perhaps that's just wishful thinking. Point is, all our problems can be easily solved if we could just put superstition and greed out of the way for a little while, anyone that tells you different is after your money.
PS: I've never heard a song by Justin Bieber, but could somebody please shove him in front of a speeding bus? Thank you.