So yesterday I wake up with a strange looking bruise on my head.
I don't recall having been hit in the head recently, but then that's the thing about blunt trauma to the head; you quite often don't remember it.
I would have mentioned it earlier, but I don't have a functioning digital camera (oh, how interesting this blog would be if I could just snap pictures at will...) and without a picture to go with it this story would be kinda pointless.
Then I remembered that I have a scanner...
Yes, that's my head in my scanner. This was either a brilliant thing or a really stupid thing. I guess we'll find out at my next CAT-Scan, won't we?
But yeah, that's the bruise next to the pointy end of the big arrow (as is traditional with arrows). No idea where it came from.
Brian and Andrea were down last weekend. Maybe I made one too many remarks about the charming, young Miss Wednesday and Andrea clocked me in the head real good and i don't remember it. It's either that or I was abducted by aliens.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking, but it can't possibly be Lycanthropy because I'm up all night and I would notice if I was turning into a werewolf.
Duh.
Although it WOULD explain the deer carcass in the hallway...
Oh, by the way Andrea, if you really want to make sure nothing ever happens between Wednesday and I you should bring her up here with you sometime (like I keep suggesting) and bring her by the house, because there's no fucking way I'm EVER getting any action in here:
And just for good measure, if any woman were to make it past my living room they get to see my upstairs wallpaper:
Yeah. My Grandma and my Mom put that up in the early 80's. Grandma liked it. Of course, she WAS raised by whiskey bootleggers...
And the bathroom... well, even I don't like going in there. it's the only shower I know of where you come out dirtier than you went in.
I really need sleep though. More later. I'll leave you with the first installment of a feature I'm calling: "Things I've Learned"
Things That I've Learned
1. If you buy less than a dollars' worth of gas the clerk gets pissed at you.
2. Chocolate frosting, while delicious, is NOT a nutritious breakfast.
3. If you compress a thighmaster in one hand and release it in Brian's chest he goes down like a bitch.
4. Phone cords have electricity running through them and you therefore you should not strip the wires with your teeth.
5. Running low voltage current through your front teeth is unpleasant.
6. Strippers do NOT look as good by the light of day as they do under blacklights.
7. The ugliest movie hooker looks better than 99% of real hookers.
8. AC/DC is the greatest band that ever lived.
9. NEVER put ketsup on squid.
10. If it ain't broke, break it.
11. If it is broke duct tape is always the answer.
12. Nail guns are not toys.
I don't recall having been hit in the head recently, but then that's the thing about blunt trauma to the head; you quite often don't remember it.
I would have mentioned it earlier, but I don't have a functioning digital camera (oh, how interesting this blog would be if I could just snap pictures at will...) and without a picture to go with it this story would be kinda pointless.
Then I remembered that I have a scanner...
Yes, that's my head in my scanner. This was either a brilliant thing or a really stupid thing. I guess we'll find out at my next CAT-Scan, won't we?
But yeah, that's the bruise next to the pointy end of the big arrow (as is traditional with arrows). No idea where it came from.
Brian and Andrea were down last weekend. Maybe I made one too many remarks about the charming, young Miss Wednesday and Andrea clocked me in the head real good and i don't remember it. It's either that or I was abducted by aliens.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking, but it can't possibly be Lycanthropy because I'm up all night and I would notice if I was turning into a werewolf.
Duh.
Although it WOULD explain the deer carcass in the hallway...
Oh, by the way Andrea, if you really want to make sure nothing ever happens between Wednesday and I you should bring her up here with you sometime (like I keep suggesting) and bring her by the house, because there's no fucking way I'm EVER getting any action in here:
And just for good measure, if any woman were to make it past my living room they get to see my upstairs wallpaper:
Yeah. My Grandma and my Mom put that up in the early 80's. Grandma liked it. Of course, she WAS raised by whiskey bootleggers...
And the bathroom... well, even I don't like going in there. it's the only shower I know of where you come out dirtier than you went in.
I really need sleep though. More later. I'll leave you with the first installment of a feature I'm calling: "Things I've Learned"
Things That I've Learned
1. If you buy less than a dollars' worth of gas the clerk gets pissed at you.
2. Chocolate frosting, while delicious, is NOT a nutritious breakfast.
3. If you compress a thighmaster in one hand and release it in Brian's chest he goes down like a bitch.
4. Phone cords have electricity running through them and you therefore you should not strip the wires with your teeth.
5. Running low voltage current through your front teeth is unpleasant.
6. Strippers do NOT look as good by the light of day as they do under blacklights.
7. The ugliest movie hooker looks better than 99% of real hookers.
8. AC/DC is the greatest band that ever lived.
9. NEVER put ketsup on squid.
10. If it ain't broke, break it.
11. If it is broke duct tape is always the answer.
12. Nail guns are not toys.
Labels: Random Crap, Things I've Learned
posted by Ford at
7:24 AM
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