“I couldn't live a week without a private library
- indeed, I'd part with all my furniture and squat and sleep on the floor
before I'd let go of the 1500 or so books I possess.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

Whistling In The Graveyard: January 29, 2006

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Called the Medicare/Medicaid people today. They said thier records showed that my card was mailed out and they assured me that I am sill in the system.

I am dangerously close to having to do something constructive with my life again.

And I was becoming so good at being a total loser...

So I went to the Surgeon’s office today.

I took a book with me, as I always do to anything where I’m likely gonna be sitting for a while. I took ‘The Bachman Books’, which reprints four early works of that miserable old bastard Richard Bachman. They are: Rage, The Long Walk, Roadwork, and The Running Man. I had read Rage and The Running Man before.

Rage is the story of a boy who snaps one day, goes into school, shoots his teacher in the face and holds the class hostage. Read that one in high school.

The Running Man is the story of a man in the early stages of tuberculosis who signs up to be hunted for a futuristic game show to earn money for his sick family. Yes, it was the basis for the Schwartzenegger movie, but the two are almost nothing alike.

So that left me two choices, Roadwork (which I knew nothing about) and The Long Walk.

Nate C. told me about The Long Walk years ago, so I started reading it. 100 eighteen-year-old boys in a walking race some 100 miles long or so. If they fall below a pace of four miles an hour more than three times they’re given their ticket. That ticket being a shot in the head from a high powered rifle. Something about it felt appropriate to the last four years of my life…

I got a decent ways into it when I was called back. We didn’t have to talk long. Seems that I found the one doctor that understands that this needs to be done right away. Yes, you heard me right. Pending the results of some minor medical tests, that I’m sure I’ll have no trouble with, he’ll be scheduling and doing my surgery. Possibly as early as a month from now.

Ahh, but you ask me; “where’s the catch?” Well here it is, I’ve still not received my new Medicaid card, nor have I heard any word as to whether it’s been renewed or not. Granted, I’ve not had any word saying that I HAVE been dropped either, but the sheer cosmic kick in the ass of losing my insurance on the very day that I found someone to do the surgery is just too fucking good for the bitch-goddess of fate to pass up.

All in all though, I’m in good spirits. Nervous as all hell, but only slightly more than usual. I’ll post more news on all this as I get it. For now though, I’ve just gotta keep walking…

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Yeah, I know it's been a few weeks, but I'm back now you impatient bastards.

I haven't written because I haven't had that much going on. I was simply waiting for something to write about instead of continually cranking out the same old 'still got a hernia, still fighting the government and medical establishments' crap. Apparently though, as I was informed over the weekend, you guys DO actually read this crap, so here's some more of it!

Brian and his lady friend came in this weekend. Seems that she and her mother are both readers so I'll have to crank out an embarrasing story or two about Brian in the very near future. This, however, will require another of my famous illustrated stories and I just don't have one of those in me right now. I actually have to go to bed soon because tomorrow is my appointment with the surgeon to talk about finally getting my goddamn hernia fixed.

Yay! Surgery!

I'm also going to ask about the leg tumor thing. Might as well take care of both in one trip.

What's really got me worried is the fact that it's a new year and I still haven't heard from Medicaid about whether they're going to renew my health coverage or not. Tomorrow is the last day on the current card and I've not recieved one for next month yet. They usually come a few days before the last one runs out. So I may set up my surgery tomorrow and lose my health coverage just hours later. Thus is the pattern of my life.

Speaking of my life, my brother has been bitching to anyone that will listen to him about how I haven't held his new baby yet. At the party we both attended at Brian's parent's place on Saturday I actually had people coming up to me and begging me to hold the baby just to shut him up.

Is it wrong of me to not really have any interest in holding the baby? I mean, I'm happy and everything, but this is a three-week-old baby with an injury. He has some slight nerve damage in his left arm from delivery, which I understand isn't too big a deal, but they need to see a specialist about it. Now, We have an injured infant and they want me to hold it against a massive hernia. What could possibly go wrong?

Besides all that, I spent a significant ammount of my time trying to keep my brother's urine off me, I don't need to get pissed on by his kid now. But the big thing is I'm really afraid of hurting the kid. Afraid to the point where I'm not comfortable doing it and I don't intend to for a while. At least not till they get him seen by the nerve specialist. But what does my family do when I'm uncomfortable doing something? They make it equally uncomfortable for me NOT to do it. This results in a lovely level of stress in my life.

So any of you that read this and know my brother, when he starts bitching to you about this (and he WILL) tell him you don't want to hear it. Tell him you will not play a part in the machinery of his guilt-machine. And if he doesn't stop it, kick him in the nuts. I'd do it myself, but he's bigger and stronger than me and I know from history that he has no moral problem with causing me physical pain. For those of you that don't know him, he's 6 foot 4 and he resembles the Thing.

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But back to the surgery thing. I really want to get all this done and behind me. My life has been on hold for years now and I just want to get working again and get my head above water. To not feel like I've been kicked in the stomach all the damn time.

It would also be nice to replace the roof on my car before it rusts all the way through, but that's probably asking too much at this point...

But like the quote at the top of the page says, I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

Anyways, I'll post again tomorrow when I get the verdict from the surgeon. I'll also be doing the Terribly Wrong Online update and probably updating Mace's blog as well, as I've just recieved his latest handwritten post from jail.