“I couldn't live a week without a private library
- indeed, I'd part with all my furniture and squat and sleep on the floor
before I'd let go of the 1500 or so books I possess.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

Whistling In The Graveyard: December 14, 2003

Saturday, December 20, 2003

OK. I have to ask.

Everyone knows the Salvation Army bell ringers, right? Ours have been here since about September or so, ringing the bells. Ringing, ringing, ringing. My question is: do they really HAVE to ring the fucking bell CONSTANTLY?

Yes, I know they do it so you'll notice them. Like the tripod and red fucking bucket are incon-fucking-spicuous. Just seems to me that the ringing is a bit excessive. And loud. Nothing helps holiday-jangled nerves like that sound.

My suggestion is to do like they do in some bars, sports bars mostly, where they only ring the bell when someone puts money in the tip jar. Only ring the fucking bell when someone makes a donation. Two or three shakes and then knock it the fuck off till some other schmuck throws a quarter in there.

It wouldn't bother me nearly so much if it wasn't for the fact that they're now PAYING people to solicit these donations. The ones that aren't doing it for community service anyway. Oh, I'm sure if someone wants to volunteer they'd let them work for free like they used to, but people are getting paid to ring those bells.

Perhaps it's just me, but this seems a little counter-productive. I say keep the community service crowd doing it, but strike a deal with the government and get prisoners doing it too. And I'm not talking work-release prisoners either. I'm talking dangerous, tattooed, murderous, scum. I think they would get more donations if the cast of OZ were ringing those motherfucking bells. Sure, you'd have to have an armed guard there too, but the state is already paying those prison guards. They could do this for overtime. A little Christmas bonus. Just sit back and smoke while the Manson family gives something back to society.

Of course, come to think of it, the way the weather has been it might not be easy to hold that bell still with the shivering and all. Hell, if the guy froze to death I might even toss in some change instead of flicking cig butts and can tabs in there like I usually do.

See? I DO believe in charity. Now knock it off already!

See you in hell.

Thursday, December 18, 2003

So we went to see Lord of the Rings: Return of the King tonight. Thing is, we were expecting to see the 10 PM showing, but as it's like five hours long or so, they don't have a fucking 10 PM show. Something about security. I guess they're afraid everyone's going to turn into werewolves and descend on the snack bar or some shit.

So we show up an hour into the last showing of LOTR and we decide to watch Bad Santa instead.
I'm not certain if I can adequately describe this movie. Suffice it to say, it's about the most fucked up thing I've ever seen. And having lived with Richard C. Sanders for any length of time that is REALLY fucking saying something. (Remind me to tell all of you the story about Kovind the Indian Cowboy sometime if you doubt me.)

Fucked up in a good way though. That way I like so much. In fact, it's the sort of movie that I wish I had written. It gives me hope that if I ever DO write anything more than 50 pages long there may be a market for it.

Writers block is a bitch.

Anyways, I recomend Bad Santa to everyone, ESPECIALLY if you're easily offended.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Ahhhhh... I feel better.

I just got my car back from the shop where it had a major overhaul on the brakes. How in the hell I wore out something that I hardly ever use I'll never fucking know. And I just fixed them 15 years ago too.

So yeah, I saw the Saddam thing. How could I not? It's getting only slightly less media coverage than American Idol.

What do I think? Do I advocate the death penalty in this case? Shit, I almost ALWAYS advocate the death penalty. I advocate the death penalty for Puff Daddy, why not Saddam?

Anyways, so much has been said about Saddam that anything I say at this point would be redundant. I do like the way they put it on the daily show though: "Finally we've captured the guy that had absolutely nothing to do with 9/11".

But here's something that's really pissing me off; reality TV. I know I've ranted about this before. Hell, I've gone off on it more than once, but it steadfastly refuses to die.

See, I passionately hate reality TV. I'll grant you there have been a couple that I have been able to stomach. It's the monkeys with typewriters theory, only I expect that a bunch of monkeys could come up with better shit than say, Elimidate. (God that fucking show sucks ass...) It also helps that they're on the Discovery Channel. (Or, in the case of the Osbournes, on MTV, but I only watch them on DVD since I also hate MTV.)

So I had a simple solution to this problem: I DIDN'T FUCKING WATCH THEM. This, however, brought about a new problem. Seems EVERYONE ELSE watches them and they won't shut the fuck up about them! Who the FUCK is Clay Aiken? Why do I keep hearing his name? I don't know who he is; I don't wanna know who the fuck he is. Why the blue hell do people have to constantly bring him up in conversation? Why does everyone that has a TV show have to make jokes about them? They're ruining my non-reality-based programming!

Fuck Clay Aiken! Fuck that Rueben what's-his-fucking-name! And FUCK REALITY TV!!!

That is, till the Running Man becomes a real show...

You know it's coming.

Yes, because of all the pinheads out there eating this shit up there will come a day when everyone will be on a reality show. I'm sorry, if my 15 minutes of fame involve Ashton Kutcher in any way, I don't want them. Let Kutcher keep them. He'll be needing them soon enough.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

OK. This SUCKS. First off, my Archive never did work, but now my goddamn comments are gone. I still have the one on the cubicle post, but all the ones below are gone after mysteriously saying 'Closed for Maintenance' a few days ago.

Anyways, I'll be back on later to bitch about something. Maybe the comment thing some more, I'm not sure yet.

Fucking Blogger...