Everyone knows the Salvation Army bell ringers, right? Ours have been here since about September or so, ringing the bells. Ringing, ringing, ringing. My question is: do they really HAVE to ring the fucking bell CONSTANTLY?
Yes, I know they do it so you'll notice them. Like the tripod and red fucking bucket are incon-fucking-spicuous. Just seems to me that the ringing is a bit excessive. And loud. Nothing helps holiday-jangled nerves like that sound.
My suggestion is to do like they do in some bars, sports bars mostly, where they only ring the bell when someone puts money in the tip jar. Only ring the fucking bell when someone makes a donation. Two or three shakes and then knock it the fuck off till some other schmuck throws a quarter in there.
It wouldn't bother me nearly so much if it wasn't for the fact that they're now PAYING people to solicit these donations. The ones that aren't doing it for community service anyway. Oh, I'm sure if someone wants to volunteer they'd let them work for free like they used to, but people are getting paid to ring those bells.
Perhaps it's just me, but this seems a little counter-productive. I say keep the community service crowd doing it, but strike a deal with the government and get prisoners doing it too. And I'm not talking work-release prisoners either. I'm talking dangerous, tattooed, murderous, scum. I think they would get more donations if the cast of OZ were ringing those motherfucking bells. Sure, you'd have to have an armed guard there too, but the state is already paying those prison guards. They could do this for overtime. A little Christmas bonus. Just sit back and smoke while the Manson family gives something back to society.
Of course, come to think of it, the way the weather has been it might not be easy to hold that bell still with the shivering and all. Hell, if the guy froze to death I might even toss in some change instead of flicking cig butts and can tabs in there like I usually do.
See? I DO believe in charity. Now knock it off already!
See you in hell.