“I couldn't live a week without a private library
- indeed, I'd part with all my furniture and squat and sleep on the floor
before I'd let go of the 1500 or so books I possess.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

Whistling In The Graveyard: March 29, 2009

Thursday, April 02, 2009

So yes, I am back and things are going pretty well here in Columbus. I'm still adjusting to the idea of being in a town that actually has things worth seeing and doing, unlike Parkersburg, which simply sucks ass.

I know, it sounds like I'm simply bashing Parkersburg because I don't like the place.

Yeah? What's your point?

Anyways, sorry I've been so out of touch with everyone, but I have very few cell phone minutes and I haven't been able to afford the internet till now. This is due largely to the fuckery of United National Bank who decided last month (the first month I got the money amount adjusted for the fact that I live in Columbus) that I needed to pay $150 in overdraft fees that they wouldn't give me the opportunity to examine to see if they were my fault.

The fact that it might have actually BEEN my fault is completely immaterial. I've talked my way out of plenty of overdraft fees that I knew damn well were my fault. And I know what you're saying, the fact that I've gotten good at talking my way out of the fees probably being the reason for them not giving me the opportunity is also immaterial. It's not right to charge anyone $150 in overdrafts for charges that don't add up to more than $30 by my estimation.

These are my rules, I make 'em up.

But THIS month, the government, which told me they switched my direct deposit a month ago, sent my deposit to the old United account, which I closed last time I was in town. So now I have to wait for the old bank to send the money to the new bank and FUCK! I mean, I know I;m not the only one that has to put up with this shit, but does everyone have to deal with everything going wrong in a fucking row?

And I thought I'd run out of things to bitch about.

Thank god for the banks and the government.

Like there's any difference really.


Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Hey everyone, just checking in to let you all know that I'm not dead. In fact, I have great news! After just a brief while here in Columbus I've seen the light and converted to Catholicism!

I've donated all of my worldly belongings to the church in keeping with my new vow of poverty (I'm currently at the seminary school library) and I hope to find myself in very short order spreading the glorious word of salvation through our lord Jesus Christ in some disease scarred, third-world country.

I'm afraid this will have to be my last post here since my new beliefs are now in total conflict with everything this blog stands for. I hope you'll all understand.

Yours truly,
Ford W. Maverick

PS: Anyone that read this far and took that shit seriously despite the fact that you all know it's April 1st owes me a blowjob.

Contact me at ford_maverick@hotmail.com for directions to my place so you can pay up suckers!

A real post will follow soon, I promise!

But seriously, blowjob, get on that. You know who you are.

Labels: ,