“I couldn't live a week without a private library
- indeed, I'd part with all my furniture and squat and sleep on the floor
before I'd let go of the 1500 or so books I possess.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

Whistling In The Graveyard: February 22, 2004

Saturday, February 28, 2004

Allright guys, the latest Lil' Zombie strip has just hit cyberspace.

It's a new format for me. It's a larger 'Sunday' style strip.

More space equals more dick jokes!

Oh, and for those of you that remember our good friend Rich, he makes his first (and probably ONLY) appearance in this one.

So what are you waiting for? Go to Chaos In Motion now!

Just click one of the links over to the left.

Friday, February 27, 2004

Fresh from masturbating to the image of the hot Filipino cultist that came to my door last night I thought I'd take one of the personality tests that Skippy allways seems to be doing. You know, just to see if I had changed at all.

I hate you so bad

You are the "I hate you so bad" Happy Bunny.
You hate everyone and eveything and you're not ashamed of it.



Which Happy Bunny Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


So to answer the questions that everyone seems to have had after my last post: NO I did NOT convert to Christianity.

How in the hell did anyone get that impression from that post? I am now, and will be forever, an unrepentant 'sinner'

As allways, I'm Ford W. Maverick, and I'll see you in HELL. Got it?

Thursday, February 26, 2004

So I’m sitting here at the computer working on a new Lil’ Zombie strip when I hear a knock at the front door. I wasn’t expecting anyone and I didn’t recognize the knock so I wasn’t really sure what to expect when I opened the door.

For whatever reason, I chose to answer it unarmed. This is important as it would have really changed the complexion of the conversation that followed.

Anyways, I answer the door, unarmed, and what do I find on the other side, but a smokin’ hot Filipino chick and her two cute teenage friends.

At this point I’d like to point out just how often this NEVER, NEVER HAPPENS.

So, as I’m thanking God in my mind for finally granting my wishes, she begins explaining to me about how I should thank God for all that he has given me.

“Come again?” I asked.

Turns out I’d been suckered in by Christian cultists on a recruiting drive.

In my defense though, she was a really HOT cultist. Her friends were cute too. Did I mention that?

So I know what you guys are thinking; “Christians at Ford’s house? That’s like Black guys at a Klan meeting or Michael Moore at the White House.” But I was actually civil, even co-operative, it was as if I was hypnotized by something. Perhaps by her lovely eyes, her charming accent, or her oh-so sweet, sweet titties, rising and falling with each breath…

Where was I? Oh yeah, so I stood there for like a half an hour in the freezing cold listening to her sales pitch. She quoted from her Bible, she talked about the church she was representing, and she even invited me to pray with her, which I actually did since it gave me an excuse to get a better angle at looking down the front of her dress.

Verily, she did give me a glimpse of heaven.

And the good news is that if I understood her correctly I’m still going to go to there.

Granted, I may have missed something. It was hard to keep track as the bulk of my concentration was being dominated by her nipples straining ever harder against her shirt.

Using the cold as a pretense I invited them inside. Partially because I was freezing, partially because I was trying to put them at ease so I could ask out their leader, and partially because I think it would have been interesting to see their reaction to my sword-and-skull living room décor. Unfortunately they declined.

The times that I managed to get her off track with my charm (which is quite a formidable weapon, and one that I don’t use lightly) made it obvious just how practiced her routine was. I could see that even her playful asides to her cute companions were part of a disarming act aimed at getting me to listen to her. I grant you I worked, sort of. If getting a big horny guy to stare at your chest is how you measure success.

So it looks like I’m ‘saved’. At least that’s what the piece of paper they gave me says. Shit, it’s hard to tell just what the hell I might have agreed to. I might have signed up for human sacrifice if this chick had asked. I think it had something to do with the fact that I spent the majority of the conversation looking for an opening to ask her out.

Did I mention she was really hot?

And I DID ask her out. And even though she mentioned somewhere along the line that she was married I got the distinct impression that she was definitely interested.

With all that talk of sinning and being a sinner, and most importantly how sinning is sorta free after you 'accept Jesus as your savior' I think her mind was right about where mine was.

I did get a date, by the way. I'm meeting her Sunday at 10 AM

Anyways, I’m Ford W. Maverick and I’ll see you in… well, heaven, I guess.



Now I’m gonna go spank my monkey while the memory of my ‘religious experience’ is still fresh in my mind.




Waitaminnit, this address is a church...

Tuesday, February 24, 2004


HIGHWAY TO HELL

Livin’ easy, lovin' free
Season ticket on a one-way ride
Asking nothing, leave me be
Taking everything in my stride
Don't need reason, don't need rhyme
Ain't nothing I would rather do
Going down, party time
My friends are gonna be there too

I'm on the highway to hell

No stop signs, speed limit
Nobody's gonna slow me down
Like a wheel, gonna spin it
Nobody's gonna mess me round
Hey Satan, payed my dues
Playing in a rocking band
Hey Momma, look at me
I'm on my way to the promised land

I'm on the highway to hell
(Don't stop me)

And I'm going down, all the way down
I'm on the highway to hell

(Young, Young, Scott) (1979)


Yes, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, We’ve reached our first milestone here at the Graveyard.

As of yesterday this blog is now an entire year old. In that time I’ve had 4,955 hits.

Not bad for a beginner huh?

Well I’m not giving up now motherfuckers! To celebrate, here's a little feature I like to call:

GETTING TO KNOW YOUR VERBAL ASSAILANT!

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE WHERE WOULD IT BE?: In an active volcano like a Bond villain.

2. YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?: My trenchcoat.

3. IF YOU COULD HAVE CHOSEN YOUR NAME WHAT WOULD IT HAVE BEEN?: I’m quite happy with Ford W. Maverick, thank you very much.

4. THE LAST CD THAT YOU BOUGHT?: Rob Zombie: Past Present and Future.

5. WHERE IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?: Morgantown West, by-God, Virginia.

6. WHERE IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?: In the hospital.

7. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING?: Right around the crack of dusk.

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?: My phone. It produces piping hot pizza and Chinese food.

9. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?: Waking up before noon.

10. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT,WHAT WOULD IT BE?: The guitar, because chicks dig guitar players.

11. FAVORITE COLOR(S)?: Black.

12. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTER LIFE?: Been there.

13. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?: The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?: Fall.

15. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: X-ray vision. Think about it.

16. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?: At the moment I have none as I don’t like the idea of making it easier for the government to identify me, though I did toy with the idea of getting the “Death of Superman” logo somewhere. That or the logo from “Unbreakable”.

17. THE ONE PERSON FROM THE PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?: Kurt Cobain, so I could tell him how much he sucked right before he pulled the trigger.

18. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DAY?: Any day that I get laid.

19. WHAT IS IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?: Nothing! Absolutely nothing! What have you heard? Who have you been talking to?

20. WHICH DO YOU PREFER. SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?: Hamburger. Because fish don’t have that peaceful, contented look in their eyes right before you kill them…

21. FROM THE PEOPLE YOU WILL E-MAIL THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?: The authorities.

22. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?: Mike D, since he sent this to me.

23. WHO DID YOU RECEIVE THIS FROM?: See #22.

24. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?: If I had to pick just one I think it would be The Kids In The Hall.

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAL?: Pizza with pepperoni, crushed garlic and black olives from DiAngelos in Baton Rouge Louisiana.

26. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE.?: It’s a tough call, but I’d have to say Evil Dead 2. Hell, anything with Campbell rules.

27. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG?: Highway to Hell by AC/DC.

28. GOALS IN LIFE?: To be cool to others as I would have them be cool unto me. Or if that doesn’t work to stomp all the assholes of the world unmercifully.


Sunday, February 22, 2004

Just a quick note.

Chaos In Motion has been updated and there are three brand new Lil' Zombie strips for your viewing pleasure.

Go there now.