Just for kicks I took the Netscape One Minute Purity Test. Heh, heh, heh...

You have completed the test;

Your score is 20!

16-20: Congratulations! You are a true sleaze bag. You have the morals of an alley cat, a criminal record that would put most career felons to shame, and are probably carrying enough germs to be declared a biohazard.

Hey guys. I just discovered that you can access the lost issue of Terribly Wrong's e-zine by clicking here. Try it and let me know if it doesn't work for you.

This just in to our news desk:

SEABISCUIT ENTERS GOVERNOR'S RACE

Trounces Schwarzenegger in Latest Poll
Andy Borowitz August 8, 2003

Seabiscuit, the star of the hit Universal Pictures release bearing his name, has entered the hotly contested California gubernatorial race, election officials confirmed today.

The celebrated horse, who is running as a Democrat, is likely to pose the strongest challenge to the newly announced candidacy of actor Arnold Schwarzenegger, who declared his intentions one day earlier.

At Schwarzenegger for Governor headquarters, jittery campaign aides indicated that they were "blindsided" by the critically acclaimed mammal's decision to run.

"All this time, we thought we'd be facing off against Arianna Hiffington, or maybe Diane Feinstein," one Schwarzenegger aide said. "If we'd known that Seabiscuit would be running, we might never have gotten into this thing."

Seabiscuit started his campaign on the offensive today, challenging Mr. Schwarzenegger to a series of televised debates on the issues of crime, the environment and the economy.

At Schwarzenegger headquarters, campaign aides said it was highly unlikely that Mr. Schwarzenegger would accept Seabiscuit's debate challenge, since the film actor was likely to suffer in comparison to the world-renowned horse.

"Seabicuit neighs and whinnies a lot, but he's still a lot easier to understand than Arnold," one aide admitted.

So anyway, shortly after we moved into our swanky Louisiana avenue apartment we discovered (albeit accidently) that when we turn off the lights in the bathroom it kills the power to all of the outlets. In my brilliance I plugged a radio into one of the offending outlets so now we have music every time we turn on the lights. Pretty clever ‘eh? Everyone seems to like it. Some of the regulars to our restroom even say they now feel strange when they relieve themselves without music.

Thing is, it seems like most of the time I now use the restroom I get either a song from the band Rush, whom I can’t stand, Metallica’s new single ‘St Anger’ which I loathe, or the newcomers the White Stripes, who should burn in hell right between Metallica and the Bay City Rollers. I’m beginning to associate taking a shit with shitty music. Might I one day NEED shitty music to take a shit? Good God I hope not.

But the whole thing is worth it for the odd instances when I drop my pants to AC/DC’s “Big Balls”.

I am such a simple creature.

Click THIS and read it. Nothing I say can do it justice.

Ok people, brilliant idea time. And this isn’t just like my typical brilliant ideas, this one doesn’t suck.

Get this, we’ve moved into Iraq, destroyed the government and are currently tracking down and systematically killing their relatives, but we, seem to be having a little difficulty with some of the natives. I understand this is often a problem in these situations. Well I have the solution. Actually, I have ANNOTHER solution. Seems nobody took my idea of balistically eauthanizing the entire country very seriously. Fools…

But no, this is plan B. We pull the ground troops out of Iraq, and instead we deploy the Wal-Mart company. Think of it. The way they’re devouring real-estate in this country, Iraq wouldn’t stand a chance. Why, within a few month’s we could raise the living standard in Iraq to at least that of Alabama. Hell, they already have similar armament levels and racial sensitivities. Then one day, perhaps they will be able to rise to a higher level of civilization (The Iraqi’s I mean. I think we can safely give up on Alabama.).

I'm Ford W. Maverick, and I'll see you in hell.