Ladies,

Are you between the ages of 18 and 35?

Are you employed?

Do you have good health insurance?

How'd you like to get hitched?

I'm serrious.

Hell, if you're a guy and you live in one of those states or countries that allows that type of thing, AND you have good health insurance, I'd even consider marrying you.

Just bear in mind, I'm the pitcher, never the catcher.

So by way of getting to know me, here's an informative little quiz courtesy of El Sid.

3 names you go by:
Ford
Maverick
Mav

3 screen names you have:
FordMaverick2000 (AOL)
Ford_W_Maverick (Yahoo)
Ford_Maverick@hotmail.com (MSN)

3 things you like about yourself:
My gorgeous body.
My brilliant mind.
My feverish delusions.

3 things you hate/dislike about yourself:
The giant fucking hole in my stomach.
My current inability to work.
Have I mentioned the delusions?

3 parts of your heritage:
German
Irish
Hillbilly

3 things that scare you:
Christians
Politicians
Internet quizes

3 of your everyday essentials:
Caffiene
Internet
Masturbation (Once a day wheather I need it or not)

3 things you're wearing right now:
T-shirt (black)
Stomach binder (for the hernia)
Cock ring

3 of your favorite bands/artists:
AC/DC
George Thorogood
Black Sabbath

3 of your favorite songs at present:
Don't Fear the Reaper as covered by H.I.M. (His Infernal Majesty)
Wish I had An Angel by Nightwish
Die Motherfucker Die by Dope

3 new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
Having sex while dealing with my hernia (anyone interested?).
Getting a profitable web/comic business going.
Getting a life.

3 things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
Sex
Simplicity
Silence

2 truths and a lie:
I was once tricked into becoming a born-again Christian (it didn't take).
I've sworn to brutally murder Joel Schumacher if the opportunity ever presents itself.
The 'Alone in the Dark' movie is not going to suck.


3 physical things about a love interest that appeal to you:
Red hair (any color is good, I just seem to be more willing to do stupid shit for redheads)
Pale skin
A pulse (something that with each passing day becomes more of an option)

3 things you just can't do:
Run a marathon.
Do a situp.
Pass a buffet.

3 of your favorite hobbies:
Drawing comics.
Painting.
Writing.

3 things you want to do really badly right now:
Have sex with someone/thing.
Kick Michael Moore in the ass.
Sleep till spring.

3 careers you're considering:
Drawing comics.
Hitman.
Ruler of the world.

3 places you want to go on vacation:
Anywhere tropical (or failing that, anywhere warm with a beach that's not currently experiencing a hurricane or big fucking wave).
Alaska.
The Quick stop convenience store in Leonardo New Jersey.

3 kids names (either boy or girl):
Ghengis
Scooter
Damien

3 things you want to do before you die:
Have France surrender to me.
Become a vampire.
Start dating again.

3 people who have to take this quiz:
Hell, I don't know. I think most of the people I know that like these things have already taken this one.

Oh sweet zombie Jesus, INTERNET!!!

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been around the last couple weeks.

Actually, it just seems like weeks. People tell me it's only been a day and a half, but time is relative you know.

So in one way or another every hard drive in my house has shit itself and all but one motherboard is terminally slaged.

At the moment I'm operating without a hard drive at all. My Buddy Ryan found a way to put a Linux system on a cd, thus turning my CD ROM drive into a makeshift hard drive.

Neat huh?

The only drawback is that I can't save anything. This means no loading my messenger programs, no adding likks to my favorites, and most dire of all, no artwork.

Yep. Till I get this fixed I can't even access my old strips, let alone do any new ones. With luck I may have the computer fixed by tomorrow evening, but we all know how my luck goes, don't we?

Found this on Skippy's blog.

I'm worth $2,091,999.73! How much are you worth?

Now to figure out how to borrow money against this...

So I went to my meeting at the DHHR today.

I honestly don't know wheather to laugh or cry.

I get up early to go to the meeting. I decided to go as early as possible because they close at 4:30 and I figured since the shortest visit I ever had over there was around four hours I better err on the side of caution.

So I get there about noon.

As I type this it's 12:41.

Yeah, I know that seems like a good thing, but remember who we're talking about here.

Turns out that the appointment was sceduled for 2:30, but they took me back early.

So they renewed the food stamps, which I didn't ask for, but now kinda require because they couldn't just give me the one thing I asked them for in the first place.

They STILL have not gotten word back from Charleston from the people reviewing my case as to wheather I'm disabled or not.

I don't know why I expected they might have made some forward progress. I mean, the appointment was only on November 17th 2004, they're not machines over there or anything...

So now all my bills are in some state of getting shut off because dealing with the government takes so godfucking long and the hernia is getting bigger and the pressure is getting worse and worse as I lose more and more of what passes for my sanity.

Lets recap: when I had the money to keep my bills paid they couldn't help me with any Medicare because even though the ammount of money I had was far too little to pay for my surgery, it was too much for them to be able to help me.

Then I had almost no money left, but my bills weren't in arears yet. I applied for medicaid and they gave me food stamps.

I didn't understand it either.

Well now I owe at least $100 on each bill, I just got a collection agency letter for my fire, police & trash fees, my health is getting worse and I still don't have any medicaid.

All she did today was extend me food stamp benefits, which I never asked for, but am now dependent upon.

So they did nothing for me, but they did it very efficently. Way to go America. Aim fucking high.

So i thought to myself, as I do whenever I reach a moral or ethical dilemma in my life, WWHSTD?

That's right. What Would Hunter S. Thompson Do?

Typically, when faced with a moral or ethical dilemma, Thompson would ask himself WWHAD? Or, What would Horatio Alger Do?

I don't know what Alger would have asked himself, but I know what he and Thompson both would have done. They'd have written about it.

I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner. From this point on, I am no longer a loser (well, not JUST a loser) I am doing research into the American health & welfare system.

I am an investigative journalist.

As a matter of fact, if anyone reading this is in publishing and you think this is a groovy idea then drop me a line. I'm sure you'll find me quite receptive.

The best possible ending this book could have is me being offered a ton of money for my book, getting a huge advance and going down to the local strip club and getting a blow job.

Help a guy out, would you?

Time for yet another action-packed installment of:
FUN WITH PORN BOTS!

eger2pleeze6903: hi... anyon there?
eger2pleeze6903: well anyway, guess yyour not there?
eger2pleeze6903: ok well look me up when you get back if you feel like it. i have a pic in my profile and a link to my homepage if your interested. was just lookin for someone to chat with..
Ford Maverick: Still there?
eger2pleeze6903: hold on a miinute. be right back
eger2pleeze6903: ok im back. sorry bout that. still there?
Ford Maverick: Yeah.
eger2pleeze6903: oh youur there hi...
Ford Maverick: Hi.
eger2pleeze6903: a/s/l (ge sex location)?
Ford Maverick: 30/M/USA
Ford Maverick: You?
eger2pleeze6903: im 27/f/USA. was lookin at aour profile. thought you might like to chat.
Ford Maverick: Sure.
eger2pleeze6903: so wwhat have you been up to ford_w_maverick?
Ford Maverick: Just working on a comic strip or two.
eger2pleeze6903: cool. i was just hangin out watching tv. i was ggetting kinda horny (*blushes)
eger2pleeze6903: oh no not wor... thats a 4 letter word you know..
Ford Maverick: Actually, 'wor' is three letters.
eger2pleeze6903: feel like a little cyber fun with me ? please please...
Ford Maverick: I don't really cyber.
eger2pleeze6903: i think ill just take that as a yes... being as that im starting to get real horny here.. lol ok?
Ford Maverick: OK.
eger2pleeze6903: alright how bout i get down on my knees in frontt of you and help you out of your pants?
Ford Maverick: You know, this sounds like a porn bot conversation I once had.
eger2pleeze6903: bot? whats that? spme kinda insult or something?
Ford Maverick: You know, all the bot's say that.
eger2pleeze6903: oh you mean one of those auto talk things or something right.. lol. well if you were in my apartmentt right now id lift up my skirt for you and i think youd be convinced real quick
Ford Maverick: Really? Well I only cyber with porn bots. That's how I get off.
eger2pleeze6903: tell me what yoou want me to do with you while i slip out of my panties
Ford Maverick: Mow my lawn.
eger2pleeze6903: oh yeah babe.. dont stop. while i slide my hand down between my legs and part my moist lips
Ford Maverick: What about my lawn?
eger2pleeze6903: oh it feeels so good. Im holding your pulsing cock in my hand, my shiny red fingernails dig gently into your balls, while my full, soft lips engulf the mass of your meat
Ford Maverick: Serriously, my nieghbors are complaining.
eger2pleeze6903: open my website so you can look at me while im sucking you. use the link in my profile!
Ford Maverick: So you're not going to mow my lawn are you?
eger2pleeze6903: what do you think of my lics?
Ford Maverick: You mean 'pics'?
Ford Maverick: Or 'lice'?
eger2pleeze6903: i have some pics on my homepage the link is in my pprofile, still working on it ...
eger2pleeze6903: sshit the phone. dont stop stroking it. hold on...
Ford Maverick: Well, I never really stop stroking it...
Ford Maverick: I'll just keep thinking about your lice...
eger2pleeze6903: sorry,, I have to take this call, probly take bout five minutes. If you want, come to my page and lets finish this. I have my cam on there cyberfungirls dot com look for me on there
Ford Maverick: Why don't you check out MY site?
Ford Maverick: Hello?
Ford Maverick: Porn bot lady?
Ford Maverick: I'm lonely.
Ford Maverick: Tell me about your lice.
Ford Maverick: Dammit.