“I couldn't live a week without a private library
- indeed, I'd part with all my furniture and squat and sleep on the floor
before I'd let go of the 1500 or so books I possess.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

Whistling In The Graveyard: October 09, 2005

Monday, October 10, 2005

Artist: Guns N' Roses

Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Said woman take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
(inhale) Patience...
Ooh, oh, yeah

Sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear
Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider
Said woman take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said sugar take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it
We won't fake it, Oh never break it
'Cause I can't take it

...little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah,
Need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more pati... (ence, yeah)
I've been walking these streets at night
Just trying to get it right (Need some patience, yeah)
It's hard to see with so many around
You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd (Could use some patience, yeah)
And the streets don't change but maybe the name
I ain't got time for the game
'Cause I need you (Patience, yeah)
Yeah, yeah well I need you
Oh, I need you (Take some patience)
Whoa, I need you (Just a little patience is all we need)
Ooh, this ti- me....

Ahhh crap. It's been a while again hasn't it? Well, here's your update. Sorry about the lyrics Skippy, I know you detest that song, but as you'll soon see, it's relevant to today's topic.

Besides, it's also relevant to all you fuckers that bug me about when I'm going to post again...

So I went to the appointment with the regular doctor. Turns out he's the same doctor as last time and since I didn't get my dissability settlement that time I doubt he'll be helpful this time.

I went to see the psychiatrist they sent me to. He was operating out of the basement of a church. For those of you that don't know me too well, chuches make me nervous and generally itchy. Nervous and itchy enough to be declared a raving loon? Time will tell. I probably did make a good case for having depression, but will that be enough? I didn't mention the whole "conversation with God" thing I went through. This is mainly because I want money, not an unspecified ammount of time in the loony bin.

And just to be on the safe side I went to the appointment I set up with a real psychiatrist a month ago, before I knew about the other appointment that the government set up. Two things made me feel really positive about this new shrink. #1) they don't operate out of church basements. #2) they're attractive.

Yes, they're a woman.

You bastards.

So I got to explain to the new doctor about how just days after having an appointment with the disability doctor, while I wasn't sick, I got sick. I got an infection in my right leg, left ear, sinuses, and upper respratory system all at the same fucking time. This has a lot to do with my most recent absence from here.

So with all of this crap infected I go to the hospital where they give me some killer IV painkillers and whatever else they had laying around and sent me out the door with four prescriptions and orders to come back in on each of the next two days to get even more IV meds.

The cost for all of this? $5.50. Thank you American taxpayers!

Rewind back to before going to the hospital, but after going to see the disability doctor, my sister takes me to the Chinese Restaurant I like so much. After the meal, I open my fortune cookie which reads: "In love, as in all things, patience is key".

Well I think nothing of it. My life is not governed by cheesy fortune cookie messages. My life IS however governed by strange coincidences.

So fast forward to the last day of my IV meds at the hospital. I'm sitting in a building full of patients. I've been there for four hours, so I'm losing my patience. I end up engaged in a conversation with a woman.

Her name is Patience. We kinda hit it off.

I think I've written about this phenomenon before. It's called synchronicity.

Wikipedia defines it thusly: Synchronicity is a word created by the Swiss psychologist Carl Jung to describe the alignment of "universal forces" with the life experiences of an individual. Jung believed that many experiences perceived as coincidences were not merely due to chance, but instead reflected the creation of an event or circumstance by the "co-inciding" or alignment of such forces. The process of becoming intuitively aware and acting in harmony with these forces is what Jung labeled "individuation." Jung said that an individuated person would actually shape events around them through the communication of their consciousness with the collective unconscious.

Jung spoke of synchronicity as being an "acausal connecting principle" (ie. a pattern of connection that is not explained by causality).

Since the theory of synchronicity is not testable according to the classical scientific method, it is not widely regarded as scientific at all, but rather as pseudoscientific or an example of magical thinking.

Probability theory can attempt to explain these events in our normal world, without any interference by any universal alignment forces. However, the correct variables required for actually computing the probability cannot be found. This is not to say that synchronicity is not a good model for describing a certain kind of human experience - but it is a reason for refusal of the idea that synchronicity should be considered a "hard fact", i.e. an actually existing principle of our universe.

Supporters of the theory claim that since the scientific method is applicable only to those phenomena that are reproducible, independent of observer and quantifiable, the argument that synchronicity is not scientifically 'provable' should be considered a red herring, as, by definition, synchronistic events are not independent of the observer, since the observer's unique history is precisely what gives the synchronistic event meaning for the observer.

A synchronistic event appears like just another meaningless 'random' event to anyone else without the unique prior history which correlates to the event. This reasoning claims that the principle of synchronicity raises the question of the subjectivity of significance and meaning in the sequence of natural events.

The feeling of making a connection where there is none has been described as apophenia.

Aspects of the subjective experience of schizophrenia have much in common with the subjective experience of synchronicity, in the sense that ordinary events are seen as having a direct personal relevance to the schizophrenic, but are seen as 'normal' by non-schizophrenics. Many psychoses are similar to schizophrenia but can last for a very short time, such as in rare instances from nicotine withdrawal (as an example) causing the same effect even with a non-schizophrenic.

Those who have experienced a near-death experience or kundalini awakening report an increase in synchronistic events happening to them.

A religious analogy of this experience might be attributed to the fulfillment of prayer or miracles, however Jung did not describe it in these terms.

So hell, maybe I should have mentioned the God thing. Don't think I didn't notice the connection between near-death experiences, synchronicity and schizophrenia either.

Anyways, that's where my life is this week. Now I need sleep.