Ahh, St. Patrick's day. The day set aside to celebrate the Ireland, it's patron Saint, and rampant alcoholism. But what do we really know about St. Patrick the man?
St. Patrick is one of Christianity's most widely known figures. But even so, his life remains somewhat of a mystery. It is known that St. Patrick was born in Britain to wealthy parents near the end of the fourth century. That's right, the patron saint of Ireland is a rich British man. Someone that a great many modern day Irishmen would gladly blow up. No one knows his birth or death date. March 17th 460 A.D. is traditionally considered to be one of the two, but there is no documentation for this. Although his father was a Christian deacon, it has been suggested that he probably took on the role because of tax incentives and there is no evidence that Patrick came from a particularly religious family.
At the age of sixteen, Patrick was taken prisoner by a group of Irish raiders who were attacking his family's estate. They transported him to Ireland where he spent six years in captivity. (There is some dispute over where this captivity took place. Although many believe he was taken to live in Mount Slemish in County Antrim, it is more likely that he was held in County Mayo near Killala.) After more than 6 years of working there as a shepherd (place obligitory sheep-fucking joke here)he had a vision that told him to leave so he escaped walking some 200 miles to the irish coast where another vision told him to return to teach christianity to the irish, setting the stage for years of animosity and death in the name of religion as Christianity, without apology, allways does. Further proof that voices in the head are usually bad for someone.
15 yrs later he was ordained a priest. Not necessarily the first missionary to Ireland, Patrick predates the Roman Catholic Church, and was considered a ``saint'' before the Roman church created its canon, or list, of saints and added him to it. Having allready destroyed much of the native history of the country allready, he wiped his ass with thier artwork by superimposing a sun, a powerful Irish symbol, and Celtic artwork onto the Christian cross to create what is now known as the Celtic cross. This is an old Christian trick to make veneration of the symbol seem more natural to the Irish. At least he had the decency to not put the cross on pints of Guinnes. That would have been going too far. (Hey, I'm part Irish, I can say that. Fuck off.) It is fitting that he is a high profile saint as sainthood is another old christian trick to convert those of panthiestic religions. Saints are basicly 'subordinate gods' filling the roles of the Roman pantheon.
And just to shoot down the last shred of dignity behind this man, allow me to point out that there were never snakes, nor any other reptiles, in Ireland for Patrick to chase out. Suck on that.
I'm Ford W. Maverick, and I'll see you in hell.
