“I couldn't live a week without a private library
- indeed, I'd part with all my furniture and squat and sleep on the floor
before I'd let go of the 1500 or so books I possess.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

Whistling In The Graveyard: August 05, 2007

Friday, August 10, 2007

Don't worry, everything is cool, just haven't had much to write about lately.

Well, that's not entirely true, I've actually had something HUGE that I've had to purposefully NOT write about.

I hate it when that happens too. I feel like I'm not being true to the spirit of this whole enterprise when I don't reflect on everything that's bothering me, but we've reached the point where certain things have to be omitted. Not because of how they make me look, because God knows I always come off looking like a genius when I talk about attaching a laser site to my crossbow, running phone cord current through my incisors or sticking my head in the scanner, but because of how it might affect other people based on how many people read this.

And again I am staggered by the number of you that actually DO read this. At least I am till I remember that I'm writing about attaching laser sites to crossbows, running phone cord current through my incisors and sticking my head in the scanner. Fuck, If I wasn't me I'd read it. I know it's only a matter of time till I shoot or electrocute myself, and lets face it, any story that has me sticking any part of myself into anything (or attempting to) has got to end with a fucking laugh.

By the way, I see on my little map thing down there that I've got some readers scattered around the globe. If you like what you're reading leave a comment and tell us where you're from. Being international helps me to validate this as a meaningful use of my time.

So since my life, as of late, has centered around this big thing I can't write about and the seemingly endless void of waiting between surgeries I've just been playing a lot of World of Warcraft (I'm Yorack, the level 52 undead warrior on the Shadowmoon server, by the way) and drawing stuff.

Some of what I've been working on will soon be on my account at Deviant Art (there's nothing there yet) some of it is for my comic strips (both the old one and the current one) and some of it is for that new one I was talking about. And on top of all that I've begun working on my book again.

I just hope I still have all this creative energy while I'm sitting in the hospital for a week.

Or any energy at all...

Fuck. I keep coming back to that.

Logically I know that most likely nothing is going to go awry. I'm not in nearly the dire shape I was when things went wrong and I'll actually be in a real hospital this time with real doctors, rather than that butcher shop full of assholes that couldn't get jobs at WalMart.

Actually, that's not fair. I'm sure a few of them could get jobs at WalMart if they really applied themselves...

I'd better knock it off though, seeing as how I've got another surgery there on September 6th.

Besides, Rem-Dog's sister works there as a surgical tech and was, in fact, part of the crew that worked on my first leg surgery, the one that didn't work. She was also there the day I died and would have been on that crew too had she not seen the file with my name on it and excused herself due to hospital policy. Apparently this one was ok since it wasn't life threatening.

So Rem-Dog's little sister has seen me naked.

I'm expecting her call any day now.

But apart from all that it's just been fucking HOT here. The heat index has been over 100 degrees for a fucking week. All I've done is sit around and pour fucking sweat. Thank god I have AC in my bedroom or I'd not be getting any sleep at all. Can't sleep if I'm sweating, but I may have to try and deal with it soon because we started getting blackouts here from everyone using their air conditioners.

On top of that we've been losing our internet late at night for the last few days for fuck knows what reason, so as I'm typing this at 4:15 AM it may not be posted till I wake up around noonish or so. I'm guessing this has a lot to do with the fact that our new cable company, Sudden Link, sucks almost as hard as the old company, Charter Cable.

And is it just me,or is Sudden Link a stupid fucking name? It sounds like something you pay a skanky hooker twenty bucks for in the back room of the VFW.

Speaking of which, I guess Mace got a new computer and we may yet see the return of Terribly Wrong Online. Stay tuned for details.

Wow. This is shaping up to be a decent sized post considering that I only started writing to explain why I haven't been writing. Well, that and I saw something on TV today that I had to talk about.

It seems that the good people at the Institute for Non-Lethal Defense Technologies (INLDT) have come up with a new non-lethal weapon that:

"works by temporarily blinding and disorienting a person, says Bob Lieberman, president of Intelligent Optical. Once aimed at someone's eyes, a series of light pulses and colors can be triggered and the subject's eyes can't adjust quickly enough to see.

"It's like someone shooting off a flashbulb in your face every few seconds," Lieberman says. "Because of the wavelengths and frequencies we use, there are psychophysical effects — a real disorientation. The reaction can range through vertigo to nausea."

That's why The Register, an irreverent online publication that covers the information technology industry, dubbed it the "puke-ray."

Sounds like a good idea right?

Not so fast...

We're dealing with a flashlight that makes people vomit. Now think about that. How expensive are flashlights? I mean, yeah, this is a bit more complex, but still it's not going to be extremely expensive and you know some asshole is just festering to sell these to anyone that wants one. Hell, they'll probably even eventually produce a special tiny one for joggers to carry on keychains.

And that's another thing, FUCK JOGGERS. You and your "Oh, look how healthy we are! Oh, we're going to live forever! Oh, we need special protection so that people don't mug us!" Look assholes, you're jogging to live longer and it's putting you at risk of violence. That's natural selection levelling the playing field. Don't wanna get mugged? Stay the fuck home and die quicker like the rest of us.

Healthy bastards...

Where was I?

Oh yeah, the ability to make people puke at will is about to be placed into the hands of man, a species that does NOT have a good track record with the whole 'abuse of power' thing.

Our public schools will be closed at least once a month just so they can hose them out and the smell will simply NEVER go away.

And don't think I'm placing myself above everyone else. I can't wait to get my hands on one of these fucking things. It'll certainly make dealing with the fucking cellphone driver a lot more goddamn fun, I'll tell you that.

My eagerness to use it for evil purposes aside, this is not a power that mankind should have. I mean, I should have it, but not you other random fuckers...

Am I against non-lethal weapons? Not really. I mean, I guess they're ok if you're a pussy, but the non-lethality and relative simplicity of this device make it a big problem.

Well, not just those things. I mean, a stun gun is non-lethal and relatively simple, but in addition to that the idea of a puke ray is FUNNY.

In all fairness though, shooting people with a stun gun is pretty fucking funny too. If you haven't tried it you really should. It hurts though. The puking, while I'm sure it's unpleasant, probably doesn't hurt. Even if it does hurt everyone is going to shoot at least one person before they find that out.

Some people (myself included) will require further study.

This thing might possibly be more fun than my laser-sighted crossbow...

Labels: , , ,