So last night one of my readers asked me how can you tell if an animal cares that you're fucking it.

These are the questions I get here. I suppose I'm asking for them though as I did bring up the subject.

But anyway, there is a very easy way to tell if an animal doesn't like what you're doing in the vicinity of their hindquarters. Especially when the animal is of the larger variety. In West Virginia (Lord how I wish I didn't know this was true) it's legal to have sex with any animal that weighs more than 40 lbs. The idea being, I suppose that if it's that big it's not going to suffer permanent damage and probably has a decent chance of escaping if it desires.

At this point I would point out that I don't think that animal fucking is a great idea. In fact, I think it's pretty disgusting. I only brought it up because, for whatever reason, politicians (mostly republicans) keep trying to equate it with homosexuality, which I find a tad extreme. Anyway, if one feels so compelled and they're not hurting anyone or anything then hey, have fun ya sick freak. Just don't tell me about it.

That having been said, there are clear signs if an animal doesn't like what you're doing back there as these perfectly safe for work videos illustrate.

Ok, I've been kinda trying to stay off the subject of government here lately, but hey, it's fucking election time and Victoria showed me something that pissed me right the fuck off.



Now, first off, the Idea that this kind of thought exists makes me want to stab someone in the fucking eye. Second, the fact that a POLITICIAN thinks this, one that's in OFFICE and is fucking STUPID enough to say it out loud in a room full of people is fucking beyond belief.

Let alone the fact that she's still, to the best of my knowledge at the time I'm typing this, in office.

She's Oklahoma representative Sally Kern and she's refused to apologize for any of those remarks.

Here's how to get in touch with her:

Capitol Address:
2300 N. Lincoln Blvd. Room 332
Oklahoma City, OK 73105
(405) 557-7348.

District Address:
2713 Sterling Ave.,
Oklahoma City, OK 73127.

Email: sallykern@okhouse.gov

or

srkern@cox.net

Now, most of you are probably wondering exactly what my stance is on homosexuality.

I feel that if you find someone that you can stand to be in the same room with naked, you wanna touch their naughty bits, they wanna touch your naughty bits then don't let the fact that you may have the same bits dissuade you. Touch those naughty bits. Touch them a lot. Lick 'em, suck 'em, stick 'em in your nose. I have absolutely no stake in what you do with your sexual organs and God knows you probably don't wanna hear about mine.

Which is a shame because it's freaking HUGE.

But I digress...

But no, I have bigger things to worry about than who puts what where and how often. I don't care who fucks who and I don't think it has any place in our fucking government either. Of course I think that 90% of what our government talks about has no place in the government and the other 10% is stupid fucking bullshit.

And the idea that homosexuals are trying to infiltrate the government and public schools to 'turn people gay'? I thought those same institutions were already trying to discourage homosexuality? And they've been doing it for a long fucking time. How can they 'make people gay' if they can't stop people being gay? If they had any kind of influence in those matters then we wouldn't be having this goddamn conversation WOULD WE?

One sided conversation though it may be...

And they all say the same thing “Homosexuality is a slippery slope to Beastiality”. Well I thought a slippery slope was something you paid a hooker $50 for in a WalMart parking lot at 3AM (not that I know from personal experience or anything) and furthermore, wha? Let's nevermind the fact that the people that voice these opinions the loudest are the ones that are turning out to be closet homosexuals themselves (though it does make me wonder what kind of pets they have at home) but how the fuck does being gay lead into fucking animals? I've lived in the woods my whole life and I've known plenty of straight people that have fucked animals under various circumstances, so where's the connection? Because they're both 'sins'? Like if you don't 'Love Thy Neighbor' then you're on a 'slippery slope' to 'Thou Shalt Kill' them?

Actually, that's kind of a bad example because I hate my neighbors and if I could get away with it I'd murder all of them. With a hammer. They're alive only because it's illegal for me to kill them.

The concept of sinning is outmoded anyways since the people that do the most sinning are the ones that tell us which things are sins. And why the fuck is it a sin anyway? I mean homosexuality. Well actually, I mean both of them. I'm not attracted to animals, but hey, if you are and whatever you're fucking really doesn't seem to mind you fucking it then hey, fuck it. Just for god's sake don't take pictures of it. Or at the very least just keep them the fuck away from me. One time I downloaded a file of what I thought was going to be a German woman and her naughty stableboy and, to my shock and surprise, the stableboy never showed up and I'm left feeling totally inadequate (though significantly more adequate than most of you losers).

But you know what they say about fucking a horse. At least you know you have a ride home afterward...

Now usually, since we're on the subject of sinning, as soon as someone says “According to God's word...” I just zone out. I go to my 'Happy Place' which, ironically, is filled with lesbians prancing in a sylvan glade. It makes the rare occasions when I get dragged into church a lot more fun and I think God is just fine with that.

Let me tell you kids something, the Universe (I-E, God) doesn't care who (or probably WHAT) you fuck. The Great Universal Consciousness has much grander things to think about.

And how exactly is homosexuality a threat to ANYTHING? I could attempt to illustrate, but why should I when Mr Black can do it so much better:



So look, fuck whatever you like, I don't care. If any of you care then you need to get over it. It doesn't affect you, get the fuck over it and move on to things that might actually involve you or impact your own life. I'm all for gays having sex with each other, gays getting married, people fucking animals, but I DO draw the line at people marrying animals. Not because of any 'sanctity of marriage' bullshit (and it is bullshit) but because we don't need to add another column to the divorce rate charts.

Now for fuck's sake go fuck something and leave me the fuck alone.