“I couldn't live a week without a private library
- indeed, I'd part with all my furniture and squat and sleep on the floor
before I'd let go of the 1500 or so books I possess.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

Whistling In The Graveyard

Saturday, April 09, 2005

So last night I go to pick Nate up from work, as I’ve done for basically 6 days a week for the last two years, give or take a hospital stay or two.

I’m sitting there, waiting for Nate to come out, engine off, lights off, not even the radio running and a car pulls in behind me. Nothing unusual.

Next thing I know there's a flashlight in my face.

I got pulled over, while I wasn't moving.

So the cop adjusts the light so as to better blind me and asks what I'm doing there etc. I damn near had to bite my tongue off to resist saying "Gee officer, was I going too fast?"

There were two very good reasons for this:
#1: I didn't feel like getting savagely beaten with a nightstick.
#2: My inspection sticker expired in February and he was standing right next to it.

I was about to get a ticket in a parked fucking car.

COP: “Hi there,” he says “can I ask what you’re doing here?”

FORD: I’m sitting in a parked fucking car minding my own motherfucking business is what the fuck I’m doing… “Just waiting for my friend to get off work sir.”

COP: “Where would he be working that would still be open at this hour?”

FORD: Your fucking mother, motherfucker… “Right THERE sir. It’s the Napoli’s call center. They’re open till 1 AM on Fridays and Saturdays. If you knock on the door they’ll tell you who I am.”

COP: “I need to see your driver’s license.”

So he goes behind the car and radios in my name. I’m watching him in the rear view mirror while he's doing it, trying to act like I’m not (like everyone does) and another cop car pulls in.

Oh shit.

So I’m running through all the jackass shit I’ve done lately trying to figure out what the hell I did that was about to get my ass arrested. To my knowledge it was all stuff a cop would have actually had to witness and I’d been sitting there for like ten minutes before he pulled in, but still I keep trying to find something. That’s the power of a cop uniform. Or maybe it was just the power of two armed people taking an interest in me, I don’t know. The only indication that something might be wrong was I was parked kinda crooked, but I do that so I can be seen in the security camera so Nate knows when I’m out there.

They talk a bit, he gives me back my license, says something about some break-ins in the area recently and they leave.

Once again proving that a Vienna cop couldn’t find shit in a shit-storm with a shit-detector.

So I don't think I'm gonna bother getting a new inspection sticker.

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