Hey guys. I'm back.

Thanks for all the well wishes, hope my latest absence didn't worry anyone too much. I just had to kinda withdraw for a while. The good news is I'm working on my art a lot more, so you guys might see some of that soon. Bad news is that although I'm feeling better I think I'm coming down with that damn killer flu that my whole family has had now.

I was actually going to get some decent sleep tonight, but around midnight I started feeling an ear infection setting in. If I go to sleep I'll stay in bed till the pain wakes me up and I might not be able to drive, so I'm just going to stay up all night drawing shit till the doc's office opens and get my ass some meds ASAP.

I do have a rather large collection of pain meds, but they don't really help with the driving either.

Don't worry though, they'll be fun when I get back home.

Anyhow, I an effort to climb out of my current funk I went with Nate, Barbie and Jeremy to see Iron Man night before last.



You know how with every comic book movie, no matter how much I liked it, there's always a few things I would have done differently? The little nagging bits I won't shut up about when I've got my fanboy on? Iron Man didn't have ANY.

That's right, I wouldn't have changed a THING about Iron Man. Well, maybe one thing. I would have used the Black Sabbath song 'Ironman' (that tasty guitar riff at the end of the trailer) more prominently, but that's IT. That gripe really doesn't count though, because it's my deeply held belief that no movie ever made couldn't be made better by the inclusion of Black Sabbath, Motorhead or AC/DC.

Actually, since the movie DID begin with AC/DC's 'Back In Black' and end with 'Ironman' all it really needed was Motorhead's 'Ace Of Spades' to make it one of the best movie soundtracks EVER.

The song 'Ironman' (the instrumental version) was the bridge into the credits though, and while that was cool I'd have liked to have heard it in the scene where he puts the armor on, and/or while he's kicking some ass. Again though, that's a tiny little nitpick as the overall soundtrack was damn good.

But yeah, the hype was warranted, the movie rocks. It's at least as good as the first two Spider Man films, so if you liked those go see Iron Man.

And remember, there IS a scene at the end of the credits and it IS worth waiting for. That's all I'm gonna say because I don't want to spoil anything. That's not how I roll.

1:16 PM: Update, I'm back from the doctor's office. It's just allergies.

Yeah, again with the long time with the no blogging thing.

Yes, I know I missed my annual 'Fuck Valentines Day' post.

There's good reason for that.

You see, this year I actually had a GOOD Valentines Day. I know, I used to think it was a contradiction in terms too, but this year I spent Valentines Day without ONCE contemplating using a rope made of Garfield Valentines to hang myself.

Again, I didn't think it was possible either.

Anyway though, that's got a lot to do with the lack of blogging, because my relationship with K has been taking up most of my available brainpower (and the attention of certain other organs which I routinely use for thinking) and since I'm not ready to write about the relationship I haven't been writing much.

That's kinda the curse of everyone I know knowing about the blog I guess. I can't write about private stuff in anonymity because everyone that knows who I really am, including K, reads it and since I'm trying desperately not to fuck up this new relationship...

I will say this, I think things are going well and I'm happy.

Of course, I'm still broke as shit, so I kinda feel like a big, fat, sack of crap because there's a lot I'd like to do to show how happy I am that I can't do. Fortunately I've been able to mask that with charm and dashing good looks up to this point, but even I can't do that forever. I mean, I'm sure my being broke bothers me a LOT more than it bothers her (actually it doesn't seem to bother her at all, which is fortunate for me), but it just makes me realize that I need to get my freaking life back together

That actually brings me to another good reason why I've been slacking on the blogging, everyone sit down and/or grab ahold of something stable, I've been looking for a job.

Yes, a JOB. That thing with the actual working and the getting paid deal.

So if anyone in the Parkersburg WV area, Columbus OH area, or somewhere in-between knows of a job for an artist and/or writer, email me at Ford_Maverick@hotmail.com for my resume. There's lots of things I can do, but those are the two that I do best. At least, the best of the things that it's legal for me to charge money for. I'm available on a part-time, full-time, or freelance basis and since you've already seen my comics, here's an example of what I do when I get bored.

Welcome to the very first installment of:


Yes, I spent way too much time on that graphic, but that's not what I was going to show you.

Some time back I think I mentioned that my sister asked me to make her a Halloween costume. She told me that she and a friend wanted to be Ghostbusters. She needed the uniforms and gear, but not just any gear, she wanted a 'special' backpack. Oh, and I had two weeks to come up with all of it.

This is the kind of shit I live for.



The shirt was $2 at the Army surplus store, the official movie patches were about $16 (yes, I know she put the logo in the wrong place, but we weren't going for perfect accuracy) there's assorted lights and wires in there that I just had laying around (that's right, it has working lights on it), but the cool thing is the backpack itself.

See, some time ago my sister went to Mexico for Spring Break and at Senior Frog's there was a guy that came in dressed as a Ghostbuster and he had a backpack that dispensed tequila...

What you're looking at is one of my greatest inventions ever. It's an $18 deck varnish sprayer (brand new and sterilized) attached to an old Navy re-breather backpack we got at the surplus store for $5. The result is a semi-authentic looking movie prop capable of carrying 2.5 gallons of pressurized alcohol which it can deliver from across the fucking room.

Yes, I really do kick that much ass.

So here's what Cathy did with it:



As much as I'd like to I can't take credit for the car, it's someone else's CGI, but I did photoshop her in front of it.

Anyway, she ended up wearing it to a few parties, not the least of which being the annual Athens Block Party, where it seems Ghostbusters were a rather popular theme, but everyone else had shitty off-the-shelf costumes with inflatable backpacks.



As you can see, even without the backpack on, my costume (well I made it, I consider it mine) kicked ass all over everyone else's cause mine looked real and it had LIGHTS ON IT.

Why did I feel the need to put lights on it? There's a few reasons. First, well, I'm a guy and therefore doing unnecessary shit like that is part of why I exist. Second, the stuff in the movie had goddamn lights on it. But third, and most importantly I thought, is that since the backpack was going to be worn in public and as I said it has a capacity of up to 2.5 gallons of alcohol, it's a MAJOR open container violation according to the laws of, well, EVERYWHERE. I figured if it had lights on it the cops would be a little less likely to suspect that it was full of margaritas.

Yes, I am an evil genius and yes, I do realize that there is something horribly wrong with me.

That's it for now. Don't worry though, I've already got another Mad Science project ready for a future post, so fret not, I'll be back before you know it.

It's that time of year again. Time for the newest Saw sequel.

For those of you that haven't seen them, you should. I have to warn you, they are a bit on the grisly side though. The first one isn't as bad as you've heard though. It's more disturbing psychologically than graphically. However, as is the rule of sequels, each following movie gets bloodier and the body count gets higher.

The first Saw was beautiful for it's simplicity. Without giving anything away (as I hate to do) a serial killer named Jigsaw has chained two men in a room and given each a hacksaw. In the center there's a gun. One man is instructed that if he gets to the gun first and kills the other then his family, whom the killer has taken hostage, will be set free. Over the course of the film we learn why these two particular men were chosen and how their lives intersect. It was great because, as the killer's name implies, all the pieces fit together in the end. I loved it.



The second Saw was ok. It was originally written as a different franchise, but when the author shopped it around (shortly after Saw came out) nobody wanted to buy it because they said it was too much like Saw. So the Saw people bought it and re-wrote it. It was a good movie, but it lacked the charm (if that term can be applied to these films)of the first one in that there were too many victims so we couldn't learn how all their lives fit together. Too use a clever movie-review analogy, this puzzle had too many pieces missing. Still, if you liked the first one it's worth seeing. Especially if you plan to watch the next one.



The third Saw was better than the second one, but still not quite as good as the first. There are fewer characters involved (which goes against the convention of sequels) so we get to learn more about the circumstances that brought them together. The movie also brings the trilogy full-circle and ties it up adequately. It really didn't leave itself too open for a sequel, but since they're making these films so cheaply and they're making so much money you didn't have to be a freaking psychic to know there would be another one.

I'm not providing the trailer to the third one because it gives away a few important plot points from the first two. So here's this instead:





Nate is of the opinion, and I agree, that Saw 4 is the precipice. If they flub this one then there very well may not be another. Again, without giving anything away, the Saw 3 left little room for a third movie, so if they don't have a plausible way that this could continue then that's it.

Anyhow, if you like movies of the variety of Silence of the Lambs and Se7en then you should check them out.

Had a doctor's appointment in Morgantown yesterday. The doc seems satisfied that the killer infection is gone and the wound is almost healed. I've lost two more lbs, I'm sleep deprived and I still suck at Halo 3 multiplayer.

Now on to the bitching.

I went out today to pay some bills and, as always, I was amazed by the number of Dale Earnhardt stickers on peoples cars.

FUCK DALE EARNHARDT

Jesus I'd love to say that out loud in this town, but if I did the coroner would retire before he pulled all the bullets out of me.

Seriously though, he was a fucking NASCAR driver. He drove in a fucking circle for a living. Then he died. Why the fuck do people still have “Gone to race in a better place” (Rather a presumptuous assumption I might add) stickers on their fucking cars? And they're not old stickers. Cars that came out THIS YEAR have those fucking stickers and he died in 2001. I died in 2001, where's my fucking stickers?

Interestingly enough, I died the same week as Wendy's founder Dave Thomas.

That doesn't have anything to do with anything. It's just the first thing I saw on TV when I came out of my miniature coma.

Sometimes I'll be in a place where I feel safe enough to ask a NASCAR fan what their fascination with Earnhardt is and they always give me a big story about how talented he was (he turned left REAL GOOD) What a good role model he was (again, he turned left FOR A LIVING) and how selfless he was because when he died he was blocking for his son and the other partner on their team so that one or the other of them could get their first 1st place win.

Selfless? Motherfucker owned ALL THREE CARS. Trying to win 1st, 2nd AND 3rd place in the same goddamn race isn't selfless. Fucking greedy and assholish is what it is. And it always bothered me that in NASCAR they have 'teams'. It's just a way of ensuring that the people with the most money to spend come in first.

I guess NASCAR makes a pretty good analogy for our capitalist culture that way. Going around and around in circles for an eternity and the richest guy always wins. I may have to look into that metaphor a little more.

Come to think of it, haven't I bitched about this before? I think I did a few years ago. It's still going on.

Get the fuck over it assholes.

On to more important matters, Jay sent me this link, but I've heard this elsewhere too. Hollywood is having it's worst October in years, like 27% below average, and they're blaming it on Halo 3.

Now there is a lot of credibility to this seeing as how Halo 3 totally rules, but you can't lay all the blame at Microsoft's feet. The example everyone is using is The Heartbreak Kid. They're a little upset that it totally bombed. They spent like 60 million on it and it grossed about 15 in it's opening weekend. Is it Halo's fault that the trailers for that movie looked fucking god-awful? Is it Halo's fault that maybe people are sick to death of romantic comedies by the Farrely brothers and/or starring Ben Stiller?

And can someone explain to me how you spend 60 million fucking dollars on a comedy? What, was one of the main characters CGI or something? And beyond that, how do you spend 60 million dollars on ANYTHING and still have Carlos Mencia in it? I'd say deport him, but he's not Mexican. He just plays one on TV.

For a comedy you'd think they would have gotten someone funny for the role.

But I digress.

Look, they spent three years making Halo 3 (about the length of time it takes to film a movie), it was budgeted and promoted like a feature film, it has a better story to it than anything Hollywood has produced in a while, with multiplayer (on or offline) it's virtually endless, and you can buy it for about what it costs to take a date to the movie theater for the evening.

Plus, it's Mencia free.

So yeah, buy Halo 3 and fuck Hollywood.

At least till they make the Halo movie...

Yeah, the song's been out for a while, but I heard it on the radio when my alarm went off this morning (alright, afternoon) and I felt the need to share the video with you unworthy assholes.

If you don't IMMEDIATELY recognize what it's an homage to (like right after reading the quote at the beginning) then you need to rent the Johnny Depp (that got yer fucking attention, didn't it?) classic Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas right fucking NOW.

This is gonna kick so much fucking ass...

Ok, so as I've make abundantly clear, I'm a big comic book nut. The first two comic heroes I can recall being exposed to as a kid in the 70's were Spiderman and Batman, both of which I hold a special place for in my big dorky heart. When I reached the age where I was reading and collecting comics, the local store (a tiny market that 80 years ago had been the county courthouse) only carried Marvel Comics so, consequently, the first comic I ever collected was Spiderman.

I first saw him in kids educational shows on PBS and then in these crappy made for TV movies

and various animated shows.






Then in 1987 or 88 they announced that they'd be doing a real movie. We got really excited about it and then we didn't hear anything about it again till 1992 when they said Jim Cameron would be directing with Charlie Sheen as Peter Parker. Then nothing till right before the first movie finally came out in 2002.

Check out this trailer. Most of you have never seen it and by the end of it you'll know why they didn't use it.

For those of you that think it was in poor taste I'll point out the obvious and explain that it was filmed BEFORE 9/11. They chose not to use it afterward, which is perfectly understandable, but it kinda sucks because it was a really good teaser trailer.

Anyhow, I just mentioned all that to show how into this I am

Given my comic book roots it kicked ass to be at the midnight showing of the new Spider-Man movie.

Here's a really grainy sneak preview:

Pretty much everyone from my local comic book store was there (yeah, they know me) and I'd say fully half of the audience were wearing t-shirts with the comic version of the black suit logo on them. This was a comic book crowd and that's the best crowd to see a comic book movie with. It's also the best crowd to see a Kevin Smith movie with, but of course, he's a comic guy and it shows.

Anyhow, I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone so I won't get too in depth with the review. I'll just say that I wasn't disappointed with it in the least. Raimi continues to do what he's done with the first two movies in that he's taking the familiar old two-dimensional villains and making real people of them. This time out he does a fantastic job with Harry Osbourne and the Sandman and of course, Venom who's had at least a dozen origin stories to make sense of.

This brings me to my one complaint with the movie though, minor though it is: too many characters. The only way in which Spiderman 2 was better than 3 is that three has too many characters to introduce and flesh out and it gets just a bit muddled in the middle. It all ties together beautifully in the end, but I think the Sandman should have shared a movie with just one other villain so we could have fleshed him out a little more, where Venom could have been an entire movie by himself.

In part 1 we introduce Spiderman and the Green Goblin and we see Peter's life. In the second one we already have Spiderman established so we introduce Doctor Octopus and we see Harry Osbourne continue to develop his mean streak and on top of that we see Peter's relationship with Mary Jane evolve. Those two worked great. But in three we have the relationship plotline, the black suit (that eventually becomes Venom), Eddie Brock (the guy that becomes Venom), the Sandman, and the resolution of the Harry Osbourne situation. They easily could have had two great movies here, but presumably, since this is Macguire and Dunst's last movie as the lead characters they wanted to really knock it out of the park.

Having said that though, they couldn't have slammed all these characters any better than they did. It's a great movie and well worth your $8.75 or whatever the hell movies cost where you are now.

I'll go all fanboy on your asses and do a really deep analysis once most of you have seen the movie. And see it you should. It kicks fucking ass.