Awright, I've been busy.

Unusually busy.

Especially busy for someone that has as little to do as I do.

That, combined with having nothing really to write about kinda puts me in a bind. I actually have a few things going on that are worth writing about, I just can't write about them yet.

But now I have something to write about. I have to talk about Coach Rod leaving WVU.

Yes, our coach jumped ship and went to Michigan and everyone is majorly pissed. To all those pissed people I have just one thing to say:

What the fuck did you expect?

Yeah it sucks ass, I hate it too, but you can't fucking blame the guy. He came in, put together a good program, good team, took a couple runs at the big bowl and he didn't make it. We almost lost him last year, but the boosters came up with extra money (funny we don't have any goddamn boosters for scholarships to underprivileged people, but I digress) and he stayed because he had to Hiesman trophy candidates and he thought he had a shot at the big one.

He stayed, we lost a game that we shouldn't have (as WVU always does) and we missed the shot again. At that point he had to realize that it just wasn't going to happen here. That coupled with the fucking athletic committee fucking with him meant that he had no reason not to jump on the next fucking offer to come his way.

Jesus people, he's just a coach. A good coach to be sure, but just a coach. We'll get another one. We'll suck for a little while. Big deal.

By the way, I use the term 'WE' honestly. I wasn't on the team, but I am an alumnus of West Virginia University and I therefore consider myself part of that school and part of that goddamn team. I put in my time, I graduated, I did a little lasting physical damage to the campus, quit giving me shit.

I'm not a huge football fan either. I didn't watch it at all till I went to WVU. Now I watch WVU and the Pittsburgh Steelers and that's about it. At best, I'm a casual observer, so maybe in the eyes of my fellow alumni I'm not hardcore enough to be making this statement. Fair enough.

What I can't stand though is the illiterate bastards who send poorly spelled letters to the editor of our crappy local newspaper or our crappy local TV station complaining about Rod leaving. Fuck those people. Get your GED, go to WVU, graduate, send me a correctly spelled, well thought out argument and we can talk about OUR team. Till then get the fuck out of my face.

Fuck people, we're goddamn lucky he didn't leave LAST YEAR.

Nothing could stop it.

Get over it.

Yeah, I know it's just a joke, but I'd go see that movie.

It'd have to be better than that last piece of crap.

Ok, I haven't really posted anything in a while and I'm sure you were all expecting something interesting for Halloween.

Well it's coming.

I had to wait on pictures. Now I'm waiting on the accompanying story.

Patience, my minions, patience.

Oh, I forgot to mention it earlier, but www.TerriblyWrongOnline.com was updated Halloween night for the first time in seven months. We're not sure what kind of schedule we'll be on from here on out, but I'll try to keep all of you informed.

I'm also working on a project for my X-Box. Actually, it's pretty much finished, but again, I have no digital camera of my own, so we must wait for pictures.

I do have something to say about X-Box live though. See, all the new games have achievement points in them that you, naturally, earn by accomplishing certain achievements within the game. In most games they seem to serve no purpose other than looking good on your gamer profile for bragging rights, but in Halo 3 you unlock special items by earning them

Well every so many rounds of Halo 3 I play I'll get a bunch of assholes in a group and one of them will say “Hey, you guys wanna do achievements?” and if everyone else in the group is a total fucking douche they get together and cheat to earn the achievements (and thereby the items) that are supposed to be a reward for playing the game well.

I refer to them as 'achievement whores'.

I despise them.

Not only are they cheating to earn awards for things they couldn't do on their own, they whine like little bitches when you don't play along. On Halloween night they had a special game set up called 'living dead'. In it, one person starts out as a zombie armed with either an energy sword or a gravity hammer and anyone they kill becomes a zombie. This continues till there are no non-zombies left. Because of the way it was set up there were achievements that were a lot easier to get.

As a result, I ran into a lot of achievement whores. Well I would listen to them talk before the match, hear where they were going to meet and what they were doing and I would then I, in complete accordance with the intended rules of the game, proceed to lay waste to the motherfuckers.

My 'reputation' score went from 100% down to 40% that night. Mostly from just two games.

What I love is that they bitched that I was cheating. Yes, I, who was playing by the rules of the game, never agreed to suspend the rules in any way, was 'cheating' by not helping them cheat.

Now I grant you, it was mildly unethical to say, fire a rocket launcher into a crowd of people who were making no effort to defend themselves, but they CHOSE to not defend themselves in a situation where defending yourself is the whole point of being there.

So I spent the evening pretty much obliterating fucking cheaters.

It was a lot of fun.

The really great part is that, in fucking up their efforts to get fraudulent achievements, I earned three or four of my own.

And after every match there's some dickhead that says (in reference to me) “There's always got to be one asshole that has to ruin things for everyone...” well guess what? If you're saying that then YOU'RE one of the assholes that's ruining the game for everyone that actually likes to play. Fucking play the game or don't. I'm not the best player out there, not remotely, and I get my ass kicked a lot, but I'm getting better and at least I fucking PLAY.

The highest achievement in the game is earning the katana sword. It's not functional, you just wear it on your back and it shows that you've earned an ungodly number of achievements. Well I've seen a lot of them running around and I guarantee that 90% were worn by achievement whores. If I ever have one it'll be because I actually earned the fucking thing, but I'll never wear it because to me it now symbolizes whiny bitchhood.

Another game where I pissed people off was in the level 'The Pit'. Some cowardly fuckers discovered a ramp they could crawl under where the zombies, not being able to use guns or grenades, couldn't kill them. This allowed them to get the 'Last Man Standing' achievement by simply waiting out the other players. This really pissed me off. So I ran to the ramp and told the line of people fighting to get under there that I would “fucking team-kill (kill a person on your own team) any fucking cowardly motherfucker that tries to get under that ramp”. They kept trying to fight their way under so I started rifle-butting people in the back of the head (instant kill) and then I tossed two grenades under the ramp to take out the asshole that actually got under there.

People were a bit... what's the word... fucking FURIOUS.

I fucking warned them though.

If you had help earning an achievement then you didn't really earn it.

If you win by using a glitch in the level, you didn't really win.

Achievement whores and cheap-asses beware. I have become death, destroyer of bitches.

You have been warned.

Had a doctor's appointment in Morgantown yesterday. The doc seems satisfied that the killer infection is gone and the wound is almost healed. I've lost two more lbs, I'm sleep deprived and I still suck at Halo 3 multiplayer.

Now on to the bitching.

I went out today to pay some bills and, as always, I was amazed by the number of Dale Earnhardt stickers on peoples cars.

FUCK DALE EARNHARDT

Jesus I'd love to say that out loud in this town, but if I did the coroner would retire before he pulled all the bullets out of me.

Seriously though, he was a fucking NASCAR driver. He drove in a fucking circle for a living. Then he died. Why the fuck do people still have “Gone to race in a better place” (Rather a presumptuous assumption I might add) stickers on their fucking cars? And they're not old stickers. Cars that came out THIS YEAR have those fucking stickers and he died in 2001. I died in 2001, where's my fucking stickers?

Interestingly enough, I died the same week as Wendy's founder Dave Thomas.

That doesn't have anything to do with anything. It's just the first thing I saw on TV when I came out of my miniature coma.

Sometimes I'll be in a place where I feel safe enough to ask a NASCAR fan what their fascination with Earnhardt is and they always give me a big story about how talented he was (he turned left REAL GOOD) What a good role model he was (again, he turned left FOR A LIVING) and how selfless he was because when he died he was blocking for his son and the other partner on their team so that one or the other of them could get their first 1st place win.

Selfless? Motherfucker owned ALL THREE CARS. Trying to win 1st, 2nd AND 3rd place in the same goddamn race isn't selfless. Fucking greedy and assholish is what it is. And it always bothered me that in NASCAR they have 'teams'. It's just a way of ensuring that the people with the most money to spend come in first.

I guess NASCAR makes a pretty good analogy for our capitalist culture that way. Going around and around in circles for an eternity and the richest guy always wins. I may have to look into that metaphor a little more.

Come to think of it, haven't I bitched about this before? I think I did a few years ago. It's still going on.

Get the fuck over it assholes.

On to more important matters, Jay sent me this link, but I've heard this elsewhere too. Hollywood is having it's worst October in years, like 27% below average, and they're blaming it on Halo 3.

Now there is a lot of credibility to this seeing as how Halo 3 totally rules, but you can't lay all the blame at Microsoft's feet. The example everyone is using is The Heartbreak Kid. They're a little upset that it totally bombed. They spent like 60 million on it and it grossed about 15 in it's opening weekend. Is it Halo's fault that the trailers for that movie looked fucking god-awful? Is it Halo's fault that maybe people are sick to death of romantic comedies by the Farrely brothers and/or starring Ben Stiller?

And can someone explain to me how you spend 60 million fucking dollars on a comedy? What, was one of the main characters CGI or something? And beyond that, how do you spend 60 million dollars on ANYTHING and still have Carlos Mencia in it? I'd say deport him, but he's not Mexican. He just plays one on TV.

For a comedy you'd think they would have gotten someone funny for the role.

But I digress.

Look, they spent three years making Halo 3 (about the length of time it takes to film a movie), it was budgeted and promoted like a feature film, it has a better story to it than anything Hollywood has produced in a while, with multiplayer (on or offline) it's virtually endless, and you can buy it for about what it costs to take a date to the movie theater for the evening.

Plus, it's Mencia free.

So yeah, buy Halo 3 and fuck Hollywood.

At least till they make the Halo movie...

Ugh.

So the healing continues, albeit SLOWLY..

I've been cleared to drive, but I haven't really felt up to it, so I haven't been leaving the house much. Fortunately, with a computer, an X-Box and several restaurants that deliver, leaving the house is optional.

Speaking of X-Box, my initial impression of X-Box Live wasn't pretty. In fact, I thought it fairly sucked ass.

This is mostly because, as I've stated many times, I fucking hate the general public. Seriously, I feel that at least 85% of the Earth's population could simply be done without. That might seem a little high,but you have to take into account that 85% includes 100% of the Middle East, Quebec and the upper levels of our own government.

I'm also not too fond of the French.

Anyways, it's hard to connect to my friends here in town and it seems that even when we do connect we can't play without some random douchebags also getting lumped in with us. And using the word 'douchebags' to describe them casts the word in a worse light than ever before. X-Box Live users, predominantly, are the biggest assholes I've ever encountered ANYWHERE. And I've encountered some world class assholes in my day. Hell, before my brother was neutered by the Nazi he was pretty high in the running for biggest asshole in the western hemisphere. Now he's just whipped and sad and that provides me with just hours and hours of chuckles lemmie tell you.

Hell, sometimes I start laughing about the situation he's gotten himself into and I find myself unable to stop. I just laugh and laugh till I black out. Sometimes when I wake up I find that someone has placed a dead hooker in my room and a bloody, blunt object in my hand. This usually gets me laughing too, but it's a different kind of laughter, you know?

Plus we have to play random game setups and we keep getting put in the same three fucking levels.

Apart from all that it's pretty fucking keen though. One benefit to being surrounded by those assholes is that you can shoot them in the face with a fucking shotgun. Something that I've occasionally found problematic in real life. The downside though is that they outnumber you and every time I start shooting someone I get shot by three other people from three different fucking directions. This pissed me off to the point where I had pretty much made up my mind that at the end of me free month I wasn't going to renew it.

But that was before I started playing with the love of my loins, Mistress Victoria. :D

I don't care how fucking good you are, she'll pwn your fucking face off and laugh at your efforts. Naturally, this is extraordinarily entertaining. Of course, her swift and bloody vengeance is best witnessed as it's meted out to someone else, though it's still kinda perversely entertaining when it's your own ass getting the digital shit blown out of it.

Moments like that are what make life worth tenaciously clinging to.

Or maybe it's just me.

Ugh.

So I'm still in at my place, where I appear to still be healing.

Yay.

Actually I feel pretty good, but dammit, I'm ready to be fucking healed up already. Oh well, nature is nature I suppose.

So when I went back into the hospital they cultured the infection (some of this I've already touched on) and it's that MRSA crap. Yeah, the shit that's immune to every form of penicillin. Not type that's going around the high school gymnasiums (I know what you sick fuckers are thinking) it's the strain that you can only get in the hospital.

Yes, that's right, somehow my toxic pit of a house didn't make me sick, the fucking HOSPITAL did. In fact, the hospital has made my house more toxic since I have to keep changing the bandages on these wounds and have thereby acquired a big plastic bag full of this nasty bacteria.

It's ok though. Thursday is trash day.

But yeah, that second infected spot? I was watching it and it was only getting worse so I performed a bit of minor surgery that night and then went to the emergency room the next day.

And before you all bitch me out they actually told me that I did TOO GOOD A JOB taking care of it

I'd also like to announce that I've now done about a week and a half without any painkillers and almost two months with no narcotic diet pills.

However, I've noticed that with the decline in my intake of controlled substances I've really fallen back on my old feel-good habits. Namely refined sugar and porn/masturbating.

I'm not proud of it, but I fell off the wagon. I bought a six pack of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

I only ate four of them though.

The other two are best not asked about.

We will not speak of this again.

But yeah, I'd mentioned before that I was getting Halo 3. I pre-ordered it and Jay was going to pick it up for me. Unfortunately, the day he was to deliver it was the day I went back into the hospital, so that was three days lost right there. Three days was apparently enough time for every goddamn twelve-year-old to memorize every goddamn multiplayer level...

Yeah, that's right. I finally signed up for X-Box Live (XBL). I didn't want to. My friends MADE me do it

Just like some of them MADE me play World Of Warcraft and then fucking bailed on me.

Dicks.

I'll get a bit more millage out of the XBL though I think. At least with it I can play Halo with the people I used to play it with before they caught that most dreaded of sexually transmitted diseases: CHILDREN.

Be a cold day in hell when that happens to me I'll tell you that...


So just for the record:

World Of Warcraft: Shadowmoon Server
Character #1: Yorack, Undead Warrior
Character #2: Azzaziel, Blood Elf Paladin

X-Box Live Gamertag: Ford Maverick


I'll be on one or the other a lot as I continue to recover from the injuries I already have and whatever new ones medical science intends to inflict upon me before we're through here.


By the way, I've already seen the Halo 3 ending twice. It rules. Really brings the trilogy together. You must though, MUST, watch the bit after the credits.

The graphics are gorgeous (even on my standard-def TV).

The story mode, though too short, is nonetheless sweet.

The multiplayer is an improvement over Halo 2, and those are words I never thought I'd ever be able to say. This is regardless of the fact that I really hate most of the random people playing Halo online. This is nothing new, as I hate probably 90% of the people playing Warcraft too. The secret is to add your friends and only play them.

Unless you're really good, then you can suck my balls.

Figuratively, of course, as you're probably underage.

Fuckers.

The day has come.

Tonight at Midnight Halo 3 will be released.

The fight will be finished, noobs will be pwned, asses will be rocked.

Soon as I set up my live account I'll give you losers my gamertag. For now I gotta go watch some of the G4 coverage of the release.