“I couldn't live a week without a private library
- indeed, I'd part with all my furniture and squat and sleep on the floor
before I'd let go of the 1500 or so books I possess.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

Whistling In The Graveyard

Saturday, September 13, 2003

OK. It is now gone. My faith in humanity. It is completely gone.

Having seen such things as a baloney sandwich and a single, ordinary pencil get sold on e-bay, I asked the room to randomly come up with something for me to search for on E-bay. It produced the following:

2 Cups of fresh HUMAN URINE!!! NR!!! Item number: 2950089641

Starting bid: US $0.01

Time left: 2 hours 10 mins
7-day listing
Ends Sep-13-03 02:45:24 PDT
History: 0 bids

Buy It Now Price: US $1,000.00

Location: Bowie, MD
United States

Description:

You are bidding on 2 full cups of NEVER BEFORE USED HUMAN URINE! This top of the line, organic urine is 100% drug, alcohol and disease free! Which makes it ideal, for fertelizing specialty plants, and putting out those pesky oven fires!

Don't miss this oppertunity to get your hand on some quality urine! Bidding starts at just $0.01 and there is no reserve! Serious bidders only please. SUPPLYS ARE LIMITED!

Buyer pays shipping. Payment is due within 5 days of the end of the auction. Item will be shipped, within 48hours of received payment!

HAPPY BIDDING!!!


Now, the spelling mistakes aside, (IT’S A GODDAMN COMPUTER!!! IT HAS A SPELL CHECKER, YOU FUCKING NIMROD!!!), and the fact that I do understand that some people would be in the market for clean urine, three things are bothering me.

#1: It specifies NEVER BEFORE USED HUMAN URINE. Used for WHAT?!

#2: It also specifies SUPPLYS (Idiot) ARE LIMITED! What? Is he donating a kidney or something?

#3: The buy it now price is ONE THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS!!!

I just can’t talk anymore. I’ll never see the term “Happy Bidding!!!” the same way ever again.

I’m gonna go clean the guns…



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