So the election is coming up.

Wheee.

I’ve made my decision. This year, for the first time since I turned voting age, I’m not voting.

I feel it’s the only sensible thing to do.

See, given the choice this go-around I feel that by not voting I’m making a more important statement than I would by voting.

YOUR VOTE MEANS NOTHING.

You heard me. NOTHING.

If your state is in a dead tie (Assuming that it has an odd number of people living in it) and your vote is counted last, you could conceivably tip the balance. Unless, like at least one of the members of the West Virginia electoral college, those who make the final decision have already stated that they’ve already decided who their voting for and they’re not gonna let something stupid like the opinion of the people influence them.

That’s right, one of my very own state’s electoral members has publicly stated that even if the voters go for George W. Bush said elector will not vote for him.

And you know what? At least in this state, there’s no law that says he has to vote for the winner.

This means you vote is worth precisely: DICK.

But I’ve always known that. Each time I’ve voted I did so out of some perceived obligation to do so, each time knowing that I would have no influence and each time coming nowhere near casting a tie-breaking vote. I saw each of them as a symbolic action.

Well this year I don’t feel either candidate is worth even a symbolic action.

And don’t give me that Ralph Nader bullshit either.

Making a statement in futility is one thing. Voting for that slimy, corrupt asshole is something else entirely.

What it comes down to is I don’t like any of the people up for the office. At all. So why should I endorse one of them? Especially when the people that actually make the decision don’t care what I have to fucking say anyway?

But let’s play the hypothetical game. Let’s pretend that all of our votes go into a big pile and the real winner is decided by the people. People like myself, and most of you reading this, who can get out of bed in the morning and brush our teeth without poking ourselves in the fucking eye, are completely outnumbered by knuckle-dragging, double-digit I.Q. having, Nascar watching, MORONS.

And don’t think I’m only talking about the Bush voters with that statement.

For every Nascar fan there’s a citizen that believes that one person can start a whole war by himself.

Look, I don’t like Bush, but I don’t like Kerry either. Why should I vote for a guy I don’t like just to keep another guy I don’t like from getting a job that doesn’t really influence anything anyway?

It’s like Bill Hicks said: “Politics is just a puppet show. ‘I believe the puppet on the right expresses my views.’ ‘I believe the puppet on the left is more to my liking.’ ‘Hey! There’s just one guy holding up both puppets!’ Go back to sleep America, your government is in control.”

At this point you should be asking yourself if you really want me to vote anyway.

So remember: your vote means nothing, the morons always outnumber the informed, and the election is nothing more than a masturbatory puppet show.

But if you’re one of those people from an organization that encourages people to have sex with other people to get them to vote, then I can be persuaded.

Contact me for directions to my house.