“I couldn't live a week without a private library
- indeed, I'd part with all my furniture and squat and sleep on the floor
before I'd let go of the 1500 or so books I possess.” ― H.P. Lovecraft

Whistling In The Graveyard

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

So we’ve got a mouse in the house.

Jay saw it a while back but as often happens, I just kinda forgot about it. Well a few nights ago I saw it run under Jay’s bedroom door. When I mentioned this to Jay he wasn’t surprised. Apparently he’s been seeing quite a bit of the mouse but didn’t think I needed to be reminded about the situation.

Just when you think someone knows you.

So I have decided to take action. I bought a four-pack of the good old tried and true snap-traps, baited one with peanut butter (extra chunky) and waited.

My first choice would have been a live trap. Not because they’re more humane, but because I want to take the little bastard alive and feed him to something. Maybe a cat, maybe a snake, maybe those carnivorous fish I’ve been wanting to get for my aquarium, it would depend on what was going on at the time. In any event I was limited by my nonexistent budget and the traps were like a dollar. It’s been a while since I priced piranha, but I’m sure they cost more than that.

I put the trap between the bathroom and Jay’s room since that’s where we keep seeing the varmint. That was a few days ago. This morning I see that the bait is gone and the trap remains unsprung.

Fuck.

What’s really messed up is I could understand if the rodent just picked off a piece of cheese, but the whole idea behind using peanut butter as bait (besides the fact that I was eating it at the time I opened the traps) was that the mouse would keep licking the trigger till he got a mouthful of coiled-steel death. Well so much for that fucking idea. There’s not a bit of peanut butter left on there and I still don’t have a dead goddamn rodent.

I have considered getting a cat, but I’m already a 30-year-old bachelor living with two other 30-year-old bachelors. I think a cat might send the wrong message.

Then again, it's not like I was getting tons of chicks anyway...

So I left the unsprung trap laying right where it was and put another trap, also baited with peanut butter since we know he likes it, and placed it right next to it. So now for the mouse to get at the new bait it practically has to sit on the trigger of the other trap. I only regret that I can’t set up a streaming webcam feed of this sure to be entertaining spectacle of vermin death.

That or feed of the little bastard thwarting yet another obstacle and me going to even more Wille-E.-Coyote-esque levels of traplaying. The quickness with which this can devolve into a Three Stooges episode is truly frightening.

And to all of you out there that are against the killing of animals for any reason, bite me. If you can’t see the difference between saving an endangered species and ridding one’s home of dirty parasites (at least the 4-legged ones) then we simply cannot talk to one another. You would try to convert me to veganism and I would, in return, have to punch you in the throat.

I’ll try to round up a digital camera and post a picture of the dead mouse as soon as possible.

And in totally unrelated news, I may soon be the webmaster of TerriblyWrong.com for an indefinite period of time. I’ll not go into the details of why yet, just getting the word out there so my geek pals can prepare themselves for the onslaught of my computer illiteracy.

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