So it’s no secret that I’ve never cared for the advertising industry. What bugs me the most is the ideology that if you just SEE their fucking ad you’ll be entranced into buying whatever crap their peddling. Very rarely does any commercial EVER influence my purchasing ANYTHING.

That’s why these popup ads and Spam piss me off. Not a day goes by that I don’t get a couple dozen ads for home refinancing, hair replacement, and or something to make my penis bigger/harder.

First of all, I don’t own the house I’m living in. Even if it was it was paid for before I was born.

Second of all, I have a great head of hair. It’s thick, it’s dark, and there’s plenty of it. True, the hairline isn’t quite where it started, but it’s close enough for my vanity.

And third, the LAST thing I need is a bigger or harder penis. My penis is hard 50% of the time, and that’s thanks to constant masturbation. I hate to think what would happen if I didn’t have that release…

Some people have noted that I talk about masturbation a lot. Sorry, but it’s a big part of my life.

And that brings me to something else, not only do I have no need for Viagra, I have, as I stated, an overabundance of erections that are just going to waste. There’s Viagra so old people can get it up, and there are fertility clinics with drugs and shit so people that probably shouldn’t reproduce can because everyone in our country still thinks that they have to, and here I am with both boners and sperm to spare and nobody’s interested.

You know, sperm banks aren’t cheap. And with adoption you have the problem of the biological parents showing up and causing trouble. So here’s my proposal women of the world: you want a baby? I want to fuck you. Why can’t we set this up?

I know I have good genetics. Don’t be put off by the fact that I obviously haven’t done anything with them, they’re good nonetheless. And I’ll sign whatever legal agreement you want saying I’ll never come knocking on your door (just as long as it also says you won’t come knocking on MINE).

So come on already dammit! I’m almost out of Lubriderm over here!

While I’m at it (since I’ve totally forgotten what I started out talking about) I’m available to women that don’t want to have kids too. Any women that have trouble finding sex for whatever purpose; I’m your guy. And don’t think you have to be gorgeous either. I’m not a picky man.

Besides, fat chicks give good head.

‘Cause they have to…


E-mail and picture on my profile.