Yes, every year people die in the name of Jesus, the prince of motherfucking peace. Not enough to improve the gene pool apparently, but as I said, a respectable number.
Now, rather than go off on my annual screed about how Christmas really has nothing to do with Jesus and the holiday is just one giant consumer gang-bang that turns otherwise reasonable people into murderous credit-card weidling zombies I'm going to do something different.
You know all those people that give you that crap every year about keeping Christ in Christmas? Well this year I'm announcing my campaign to take Christ OUT of Christmas.
Let that sink in for a few minutes...
Ok, now hear me out on this one. The people that want to keep Christ in Christmas are quick to point out that Christmas has become too secular and commercial. This is true. And every year I point out that Jesus was about peace and love, humbleness and poverty. Add to that the fact that he wasn't born in December and that the holiday is actually a mishmash of festivals from other religions and you come to two conclusions.
Well, I come to two conclusions. If you don't, well, that's your problem. Anyways, the conclusions are A: It's not the kind of Holiday that Jesus would want to be associated with, and 2:He really doesn't have any goddamn business in it anyways.
On an interesting side note, when I was in the third grade my elementary school teacher threw a holy bitch-fit when I wrote 'X-Mas' instead of 'Christmas' on the Christmas card I was making as a class project. She said that when you use an 'X' in place of 'Christ' you're "Crossing out Christ" and it was a horribly unchristian thing to do.
It was perhaps the first time I began to question the whole notion of Christianity.
I later learned that the phenomenon of using an 'X' in place of 'Christ' had other origins but none of it changes that fact that Christ doesn't belong in Christmas. The Norsemen celebrated by pitchforking the entrails of their enemies into the evergreens (Ever wonder where the notion of tinsel comes from? There ya go Scooter.) and the Romans celebrated by buying gifts for their gay lovers and having lots of anal sex.
At this point I'd like to point out that I have nothing against homosexuals in the slightest, I just love pointing out that last bit because it annoys the fuck out of Christians and well, that is my number one hobby these days.
Anyways, Jesus wasn't part of any of the established festivals. Christians jammed him in there with a fucking crowbar and then immediately started bitching that people were trying to take him out of it. So I propose that we take Christ out of Christmas, henceforth to be referred to ONLY as X-Mas, because not only does the holiday have nothing do do with him, but ironically he probably resents the association.
On a partially unrelated note, you've probably noticed the giant fucking banner ad at the top of my site for Gothcoming, hosted by my good friend Victoria Sapphire and sponsored by The Garden and The Joint. By the way, you probably don't want to click those links if you're at work.
Anyhow, it's on December 18th at Skully's Music-Diner. Doors open at 9 PM, you've got to be 18 or older to get in and there's a strict dress-code.
The theme is 'Siberian Solstice' so it's a Communist party. If you dress appropriate to the theme and wear something Russian-ish then you get in for the Comrade price $13. If you come in some form of goth-wear you get the Capitalist price $15. If you come dressed like a yuppie, fratboy, douchebag you get the Enemies Of The State price of $20. Oh, and if you're under 21 you'll be paying an extra $3, so if you're underage AND some manner of douche-reservoir then you'd better bring extra cash. Jackass.
Guests will include Angela Ryan and Rebecca of Rebecca's Rubber Room neither of those links are work safe, by the way, but they are entertaining as hell.
This is going to be THE party of the year and I expect everyone reading this to attend. Seriously, this party is going to kick so much ass we're going to have to import rectums from other lesser parties. Help us turn the X-Mas season into what I feel it should be; an anti-capitalist, anti-Christian, Bacchanalia.
Tell them I sent you. It won't get you in any cheaper, but it'll stroke my ego something fierce.
Now here's a little something for all you people headed out to the malls this morning.
It's also not safe for work.