It’s been a month now.

I’m still trapped out in the county.

Mom grows more insane.


It’s a haiku. Like it? Yeah, it’s a gift of mine. Got me through that stupid poetry class I had to take for my major. An entire semester yielded one poem that didn’t suck (not this one, obviously), but since art is subjective the only way to flunk a poetry class is to not write anything.

Gotta love them liberal arts don’t ’cha?

Anyways, I’m getting better by the day, but I’m still not quite ready to go back into town. I may change my mind tomorrow, but last Saturday I went in to the house to watch the WVU Mountaineers ruin the shit of the Marshall “University” Thundering Herd. It was like watching the LA Raiders play against toddlers. Not that I was surprised though as the same thing happens every time we play the boys from the Marshall ‘Book Learnin’ and Tire Emporium’. Seriously, there are single buildings at WVU that are bigger than Marshall’s entire campus.

For some reason, however, the Governor wants to make the WVU v/s Marshall thing a big rivalry. He thinks it’ll be good for tourism. He’s also the guy that wants to change our state motto from “Wild, Wonderful, West Virginia” to “West Virginia: Open For Business” which is about the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever goddamn herd.

Well, all right, not quite as dumb as the WVU/Marshall “rivalry”.

But really, does he honestly think that changing the motto to “Open For Business” is really going to attract business? We only have two goddamn industries here, Coal, which ain’t as good as it used to be and has killed thousands of people and pollutes the environment, and the chemical companies, which only came here because there were no other jobs and people would gladly be poisoned a little every day in exchange for a job that just barely kept them above the poverty line.

That’s it. Those are the only reasons any business comes here. Because we will tolerate things they won’t tolerate elsewhere. Like polluting and killing and violating civil rights.

Yeah, sure, we have other businesses here, but they’re either tangential to the polluters and killers, ‘Land Rapists’ as Hunter Thompson used to call them, or they were started by people that already lived here because the internet and eBay hadn’t been invented yet.

Anyhow, I’ve strayed far from my point (why break with tradition, right?) so if you want to voice your concerns to governor Assface contact him here: Governor Assface

And the first person that gives me any shit about Marshall being ahead at halftime in that game is gonna get stabbed in the fucking eye. It’s sooooooooo obvious that the Governor (that’s Governor Assface), who was in attendance, told Coach Rod to keep the game close till the half and not make the game a repeat of last year’s anal-violation. The second half of that game was fucking BRUTAL. If we’d not been told to hold back it would have been something like 100 to 3 and the game would have been over in the third quarter because they wouldn't have had enough players left to take the field. (The three points is because we're not completely merciless. They'd only have them because we'd have spotted them to them before the game.)

And we dropped in the goddamn rankings because of it, AND it couldn’t have helped the status of our two, count ‘em TWO Heisman trophy candidates.

Fuck Marshall, Fuck the Governor, and fuck Matthew, fucking, McConaughey!

He was in that Marshall movie. Some of you saw it. I didn’t.



Getting on with things though; I went back to Morgantown yesterday to get the rest of the stitches and staples removed.

This has made me feel a whole goddamn lot better. I didn’t realize how much pressure those seven or eight stitches were exerting, but I’m sure glad they’re gone. Actually, he missed one of the staples, which I found when I got back home.

I pulled it myself.

I have a surgical staple puller in my home surgery kit.

Yes, I have a home surgical kit. I also have quite an array of dental tools, including a drill.

But yeah, the Doc says I’m healing up nicely even though, due to fluid and swelling, my stomach is still pretty lumpy. This should fade, however, and my stomach will look almost flat. At least it did when I woke up from surgery. Even if it doesn’t completely flatten out I’m just happy that my innards are back where they belong.

Mostly anyhow.

Yeah, it seems that the legacy of having had this massive hernia for more than five years (damn near six now) is that my abdominal muscles have atrophied and scarred up to the point where he couldn’t pull the hole all the way closed.

This isn’t a total disaster though. As long as the mesh doesn’t tear it’ll hold my guts in and it’s possible (theoretically) that the mesh will allow the hole to heal (or scar) itself closed. I say ‘theoretically’ because the hole is still the size of a small dinner plate.

In any event, It feels a lot better even though everything else still feels like shit. Less like shit every day, but still like shit.

The drugs help.

A lot.

So for all those concerned I may be back at my place for a day this weekend (though if things go as planned I’ll be quite busy) and possibly back permanently later next week. It all depends on how I heal up and what new injuries I sustain over the weekend. ;D

Stay tuned kiddies, the ride ain’t over yet…