Hey, I ain’t dead!

So unfortunately, I haven’t been keeping in touch as well as I’d rather optimistically hoped, but now I’m back!

I’d have written sooner, but till like yesterday it was too uncomfortable to get into any position that allowed use of the computer for long enough to type anything.

Which reminds me,

OW! Owowowowowowowowowow, FUCK! God-Dammit that fucking HURTS!

Yeah, so you missed about a week of that.

Anyhow, I was in surgery for about six hours, an hour over their initial prediction, but they say things couldn’t have gone better. That’s a good thing too, because based on how bad this fucking hurts I’m never this done again even if I need it and according to my surgeon there’s a 20% chance of that.

Relax though. I intend to continue wearing whatever means of medical whatzits to help keep my innards, well, IN.

Well, she was kinda already looking. Now she’s looking at them in my size.

Ain’t she a peach?

So the first three nights in the hospital went ok, slept pretty good. I like it cold when I sleep and WVU Medical has good AC. After that though Mom decided to sleep in the big chair in the room which meant that because she’s a woman, the thermostat got set on 80 and I couldn’t run the fan.

Thank God for darvocet or whatever the fuck they put in Mr. Happy Plunger Thingy.

If only there was a Mr. Happy Plunger Thingy for regular life…

Well, I guess there is Turkish Black-Tar Heroin, but that’s the kind of thinking that makes junkies.

Speaking of which, I’m happy to tell everyone that was worried about me getting hooked on the amphetamines that I haven’t had a single dose in over a month and I haven’t even thought about it till just now.

The fact that I washed down a tablet of Oxycontin while typing that has NOTHING to do with it either.

But yeah, seriously, this fucking hurt like nothing else EVER and coming from me that’s really goddamn saying something. It hurt like eight bitches on a bitch-boat, but now it’s a lot better. Hence the uprightness and the typing and all.

I’m still out at my Mom’s recuperating, where I’ll be till at least after going to Morgantown to have stitches and staples removed (like Wednesday or Thursday) so if you wanna call you can email me at Ford_Maverick@hotmail.com for the number.

I’ve still got a lot to write about, but this is getting uncomfortable. So I’m gonna sleep and then I need to come up with a new life plan. “Get Surgery” and “Don’t Die” were the last two things on the old list.

Probably would have seemed more optimistic if I’d had something on there AFTER “Don’t Die”, but you know, don’t wanna leave things unfinished.

PS: Congrats to Jay and his lovely wife for getting knocked up. If you’re looking for a name, I’d suggest ‘Billy’ (as in Gates) seeing as how the pregnancy has coincided quite conveniently with your X-Box 360 being in the shop.