So I'm kicking back in the living room watching 'Unscrewed' on Tech TV, one of the three channels I watch on the cable that we're paying like $40 a month for, and I see a bit where Cat Schwartz is going to be on. I immediately take notice.

See I have this rather destructive habit of becoming infatuated with intelligent women. This has caused me absolutely nothing but trouble. Yes, more than once I have been horribly burned by smart women, and thus I vowed to find a by-god, fucking stupid woman upon which to base my next restraining order. And I mean STUPID. I'm talking Ellie May Clampett here.

The biggest problem with smart women? Well, they're smart enough to eventually realize they can do better...

Yeah, I'm a cynic. But you know what they say, "Scratch a cynic and you'll find a romantic. Rub a cynic and you'll find a very appreciative cynic..." or something to that effect.

So as a closet romantic with a penchant for brains, I find myself infatuated with this creature that is Cat Schwartz. For those of you who don't know, she's on "The Screen Savers" on Tech TV.

So I'm watching the bit on 'Unscrewed' and I see that apparently she accidentally uploaded nude pictures of herself onto her blog and they were downloaded like two billion times or so. Apparently she had cropped some private photos so that only her face could be seen and some genius figured out how to recover the entire photos.

I had them downloaded before the interview was over.

But here's the thing, apparently people were leaving nasty comments on the blog about the accidental nudity, resulting in the pictures having to be removed. (These people are now right below Joel Schumacher on my "Severe Beating" list.) So I checked out the blog, which I have done one more than one occasion (like every hour on the hour), and the comments there are pretty damn creepy to say the least. I mean, you'd think the Tech TV watching cyber-geeks would have seen pictures of breasts on more than one occasion. They were so creepy in fact, that I abandoned my original intention of leaving a supportive comment of my own, so as not to be associated with the other potential stalkers.

So I know she'll probably never read this, but hang in there Cat. There are worse things than being a cute, smart computer diva with a legion of psycho tech-zombies slobbering over you and leaving rude comments on your blog. You could look like ME and have just the one guy slobbering over you...

Anyways, I'm outta here. I'm gonna go look for chicks at the hog-calling contest.