"Dear Die-ary,

I stared, motionless, before the mirror. As always, I stayed until I'm
convinced that there is no glass, nothing, separating me from the room
I see on the other side.

I imagine that everything is different over there. Better. There are
people, in that world, who I would like.

But like always, my hand hits that glass.

I know that if I'd only waited just one more second...

Shit.

I'm gonna go kill a party clown."

- Johnny The Homicidal Maniac, from Johnny The Homicidal Maniac Issue #2, by Jhonen Vasquez

Yeah, I know, I know. I haven't been blogging and I haven't updated the site in like three weeks. Truth is I just haven't felt like doing much of anything at all. I've just felt physically exhausted and mentally dull and I hadn't done anything worth writing about.

Some of you may recognize this as foreshadowing.

First of all, I managed to find the entire (or at least I think it's entire) collection of Jhonen Vasquez books. Some of you may know his work from the cartoon Invader Zim. Well before that he did a comic book called, you guessed it, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. Zombie suggested I pick it up quite some time ago, but I only just recently found them. They are fucking PHENOMENAL. I mean, they're intelligent and beautifully illustrated (any Tim Burton fan would just shit to see these) and they have such a great point. The fact that they're sick, twisted and just plain fucking WRONG shouldn't detract from those things at all...

And it's terribly ironic that it was the lovely Miss Zombie that recomended them as she was the inspiration for my first comic strip (and YES I'm still working on the goddamn Halloween Special) and these comics have inspired me to do more comic work.

Without giving anything away, these books examine artists and madness. More specifically, they examine what happens to artists when they stop channeling thier madness into thier art...

Anyone we know been questioning his own sanity lately? Hmm? Anyone?

Anyhow, you should all read anything you can find by Jhonen Vasquez. I've been reading them over and over compulsively since I got them.

Thanks Zombs.

And now for the amusing portion I promised above.

See, I'm trying to lose weight so I can get my surgeon to fix this goddamn hernia I keep bitching about. So his nutritionist (yes, it's come to that) called me and told me they have thier gastric bypass candidates drink nothing but Carnation Instant Breakfast for as long as they can stand it and sometimes they end up losing so much weight they don't need the goddamn bypass.

So I figure, fuck it. I'll try anything once. (Twice if you pay me.) So I get the instructions in the mail and they have suggestions on how to prepare it. They say you can blend it with ice to make a smoothie and one of the things you can add is coffee.

Now, despite a severe caffiene addiction, I've never been a coffee fan. At least, not till I had my first Quadruple Chcolate-Mocha Frapuchino whatever that Mike D purchased for me. Now I have the occasional craving for iced chocolate or vanilla coffee, but I've never made it myself.

So perusing the instructions it dawns on me that chocolate drink mix + coffee + ice + blender = Iced coffee.

Brilliant huh? I thought so.

So I take two packets of drink mix, a cup of 2% milk for each packet, and a whole tray of ice cubes. Then I come to the coffee. I had no idea how much to use. It said one tablespoon for every 6 ounces. Well I have no idea how many ounces are in two cups of milk, and besides that, I just added a bunch of ice and that'll soon be liquid too, so I just guessed and put two heaping tablespoons of coffee in there.

Then I blend.

Have I told you about my blender?

I found this blender in the pantry under the stairs when we moved in. I don't think it's ever been used till tonight. Strange, since it appears to be a 1960's (vintage!) model. Anyhow, I spent a few hours cleaning it prior to using it, plugged it in and pushed the button.

It surprised me too when it actually worked. I probably should have tested it BEFORE I put all my caffiene-y goodness in it, but it all worked out fine.

Sort of.

The coffee didn't really get blended very well, but I tried it ant it wasn't too awful. I just figured I'd keep drinking it and chewing the coffee bits till they dissolved. Because instant coffe is supposed to dissolve in water, right?

Halfway through the large cup something in the back of my brain had the presence of mind to wonder "We did get INSTANT coffee, right?"

I go into the kitchen, still drinking, still chewing, and sure enough it appears that I did not buy instant coffee.

Fuck.

Like I know anything about coffee...

So I finish the drink (and it wasn't fucking easy) and to take the edge off the MASSIVE caffiene buzz I made myself a strawberry daquiri and sat down to write this. My teeth are itching and there's a sensation in my chest I haven't felt since that time I went into cardiac arrest, but otherwise I feel fine

That's been pretty much my whole day.